Alleged boners, real boners, twenty-one-year-old boners or otherwise!!!!!!!!
Cattrall, according to the always elegant New York Daily News, “has toned down her sex drive,” whatever the fuck that means. But that doesn’t stop her from inflaming the gigantic lincoln logs of her recently teenaged costars! Allegedly! Unless she didn’t! But seriously don’t ask!!!
Here’s what happened. According to Meet Monica Velour director and noted old person Keith Bearden:
When the two actors “made out” in the movie’s “climactic kiss” scene, Bearden explained, “we had to change reels of film and Dustin gets up and he has the hugest erection.”
At that point, [Cattrall’s 21-year-old costar Dustin] Ingram cut off the director and insisted he was “lying.”
“Liar! Other people’s erections are WAY huger!”
Then the director responded with the best sentence ever constructed in English:
Undeterred, Bearden, who was dressed in a purple shirt with ruffles, replied, “I’m an old man; I know [ardor] when I see it!“
When contacted for this story, the purple shirt with ruffles declined to comment.
Okay. But GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.
Cattrall didn’t have much use for either man’s story, and grew increasingly irate as we sought to discuss them with her.
First, she said, Ingram’s claim that the pair swapped sex stories in her trailer was “absolutely not true.” In a huff, she added that despite the profession of her character [pornography star], the movie was not about sex.
That may have been why her demeanor turned even darker when we asked about Ingram’s alleged reaction to their on-screen kiss.
“You know, as a woman, I really find those questions offensive,” she told us. “As a woman, I find that really embarrassing [for you] to ask that.” (For the record, the reporter who asked Cattrall these questions is a woman.)
Ultimately, Cattrall said she didn’t know what Bearden was talking about.
What a bunch of funny business! I have no idea what this story is even about.
In closing, here is a clip of Kim Cattrall talking:
In double closing, for the record, it is the opinion of this non-victim-blamey lady-writer (who has made something of a career out of making fun of Kim Cattrall) that Kim Cattrall is absolutely NOT required to discuss the engorged penises of male acquaintances—penises that may or may not have rubbed on her, maybe unpleasantly, while she was just trying to do her job. No matter what kind of character she’s playing, the smallness of whatever bustier she was wearing at the time, or how many fucking gross penis-related things she has said on camera. Just FOR THE RECORD.
Still, best article ever (today).
So, when does the next SATC come out?
Thanks for the laughs. My sister loved that show (and I am, at best, indifferent) and we used to watch together. I had forgotten about that episode: I used to snicker when I saw wheat grass. Good times… good times….
Holy crap, that show is way funnier when it’s not on the TLC channel.
“…would men get anywhere near the stuff?”? Yes. Yes we would.
And great advice on the “safety” of not swallowing.
That video is Kim’s character talking … not Kim. And just because the interviewer was a woman, doesn’t mean the questions couldn’t make Kim Cattrall uncomfortable.
Sorry to get all Jezebel on ya Lindy, but come on.
@5: Read to the end.
She was doing Bill Shakespeare off Broadway? When did this schlocky sitcom actress become a serious actress?
Lindy West, pulling the wool over our eyes for an April Fool’s joke…
I’ll allow it. Kudos.
It’s so hard (!) pretending to be an actor when all you really are is a tool to make sexless sex scenes. Then when people ask you about it, it’s so hard to appear lily-white and classless and free when people actually press you for a straight (!) answer.