Ignore Christmas with the greatest Jewish-themed musical of all time (screw you, Yentl). Norman Jewison’s Oscar-winning film version of the smash Broadway musical follows a bunch of Russian Jews in the early 20th century as they sing about their lives and loves and TRADITION. Sure, it’s three hours long and relentlessly beige, but there’s a kosher Chinese food buffet at intermission! (And if your Christmas cinema needs demand more blood, go see the new Tarantino.) (SIFF Cinema Uptown, 511 Queen Anne Ave N, siff.net, 1 pm, $15)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...