I was just in Castle Megastore, trying to rent Cry Wolf (2009 AVN
Winner for Best Film) and returning Bree Loves Sasha (starring one Bree
Olson, 2009 AVN Best New Web Starlet; and one Sasha Grey, 2008 AVN
Female Performer of the Year, and, no doubt,
Girl-That’s-About-to-Be-More-of-a-Household-Name-Than-Jenna-Jameson).
Cry Wolf was nowhere to be found, even though the computer said it was
there. As the clerk and I scanned the shelves trying to find the one
lonesome copy, I wondered, “WHY?” And not, “Why are we looking in
‘Anal’ when Cry Wolf is a ‘Feature’?”—but rather, “Why did I
care?” That guy two aisles over, loudly telling someone (his wife?) on
the phone that yes, yes, he’d stop at Trader Joe’s on the way home, he
was just running late—that guy doesn’t care! He quickly grabbed
something and was on his way to TJ’s without ever hanging up. I felt
like a freak show. Why was I making this poor clerk search for this
video that I probably wouldn’t even like—a video I was renting
solely because it took “Best Film” at the AVN Adult Movie Awards three
days ago? Why, oh why, am I standing in the brightly lit sex store,
clutching a dog-eared piece of paper containing a list of titles like
“Best Three-way,” “Best Big Butt,” and “MILF/Cougar Performer of the
Year?” WHY?!

I think I was so determined because I’m still upset that I didn’t
make it to the Adult Entertainment Expo, aka the Vegas Porn Convention,
this year. See, I’m not even in the “adult industry,” but for some
reason, I’ve attended four, count ’em FOUR, conventions. It’s not
really my world, but it is my tradition. Home for the holidays to kiss
Grandma and open presents, then off to Vegas for a three-day porn
party. Call me fucking crazy, but I feel like some of these people are
old friends. I still have Eon McKai’s number in my cell phone, I just
got a nice e-mail from Joe Gallant and a package from Kimberly Kane,
um, and I still have a tattered cocktail napkin that says “Kelly O is
Beautiful!” from one
THEN-18-year-old-NOW-the-2009-Male-Performer-of-the-Year James Deen taped on a mirror at home. And don’t even get me started on the Prince
of Dubai.

So what’s my point? I still love porn. I know a little bit about it,
too. There’s a ton of it everywhere. Most of it’s bad. But some of it’s
good—REAL GOOD. I’m gonna find the gems and review it here. Every
week. Starting with my crumpled-up AVN Award list. recommended

Kelly O—formerly a Stranger staff photographer, music writer, Drunk of the Week columnist, and more!—finished art school and a soul-crushing internship at a corporate advertising agency in Detroit,...

8 replies on “I Still Love Porn”

  3. Biju – Really? I do sometimes wonder if any of the makeout photos ever ended up in any tabloids like his body guards kept promising.

    and Bob – thanks, and it’s back! Every week. Web only, here in film…

  5. Yes Kelly, for real! What tabloids were they talking about? Theres none in Dubai that would print a picture of anyone kissing let alone making out at a porn convention 😛

  7. Uh, I know some people. I’ve sent them your tale of seeking the AVN award winning dvd’s.

    I’d say you owe me, but really, you’re welcome.

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