Take All That Jazz and stick some more cigarettes in the actors’ mouths (who would’ve thought that was even possible?); add some snazzy 1960s suits, some breathtaking Italian locations, the rough outline of the Tiger Woods scandal, lots of women in period foundation garments; hand it all to the director of the Academy Award–winning film Chicago; and you’ve got Nine, Rob Marshall’s screen adaptation of the 1982 musical adaptation of an Italian stage adaptation of Federico Fellini’s autobiographical film 8½.
I know, right?
Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis) is a film director and he’s blocked; he’s an artist, you see, and we can tell because he smokes a lot and sticks his dick in a lot of lovely ladies and ducks out of press conferences because—the rules?!?!—the rules don’t apply to Guido because he’s an artist! An artist with an artistic temperament who’s having an artistic crisis, thank you very much! Guido can’t seem to write the screenplay for his next film, which is a problem because the set has been built, the costumes have been designed, and the cast—which consists entirely of Nicole Kidman’s boobs—has been assembled.
Guido’s problem is that he loves women. His mother, his muse, his mistress, and his wife—he loves them in roughly that order. And, this being the 1960s and Guido being Italian and an artist, his love for women and his inability to keep it in his pants—or to lay off the smokes—aren’t signs of Tiger Woods/Mark Sanford/Bill Clinton–style caddishness, but proof that he is a deep and soulful (and precancerous) artist with a capital A.
Marshall and Day-Lewis work hard to make us care about Guido and his artistic crisis/temperament, but this movie belongs to the actresses. Each gets a big number—the muse (Kidman), the mistress (Penélope Cruz), the wife (Marion Cotillard), the whore (Fergie—a revelation), the reporter (Kate Hudson—also terrific). And, as in Chicago and All That Jazz, these musical numbers—which take place in an alternate, heightened reality—remove us from and comment on the action. While Guido directs small art-house movies, his imagination, like Marshall’s, is all Fosse all the time. Nine‘s musical numbers take place, it seems, on the soundstage in Guido’s cigarette-stained head—a head so packed with musical-theater conventions that you wonder why he doesn’t just direct a movie musical to overcome his block. Guido’s inner musical is a lot more interesting than the film we see Guido working on at the end, when he overcomes his artistic block by… growing a beard.
Marshall’s stagings are terrific and thrilling. Some will accuse him of ripping off Fosse’s movie musicals, but that’s a false charge. Fosse may have invented the language, but Marshall deserves credit for keeping it alive. 
This movie sounds like an utter waste of time. There wasn’t a single moment in the review that made me say, “that could be worth seeing.” Plus, I flat-out don’t believe Fergie or Kate Hudson could be more than piddling at anything.
@1 on 9 not being your 8-1/2: Though it took less than 15 seconds to read, your dismissive, uninformed mini-review, was actually an utter waste of time. I assume you’re blind.
the sandy tambourine dance scene is the best part of the film—and almost worth it.
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You can still see the unemployment levels are high even after a few years of the recession first hitting. I like the fact that they try to call it a double dip recession vs calling it a depression but if it goes down for travel a couple years, then goes up briefly should it “count” as wiping the slate clean…You can see the effects in the honeymoons industry as people did not have the disposable income to book cruises or other activities that cost a pretty heft entertainment fund. Same is true with global brands joining other brands such as flight center to recapture lost market share…whatever happens people need jobs or they will begin to riot…once the unemployment checks stop.
wow…don’t think I’ve ever seen so much spam in my life. Love how non-specific it is too. I love your comments on this subject! you truly add insight to the discussion of the topic this thread is about. now buy my penis extenders, bitches!
I love to do anything crazy or stupid which pretty much I do all the time but whatever.
I loved Daniel Day Lewis when he featured in “Last of the Mohicans”, but I’d rather shred my Chapeau d’Amour in a can crusher than go and watch this movie at the cinema.