The endless debate, that burning question on everyone’s mind this
time of year—you know, the “turkey vs. Tofurky”
controversy—well, it got me thinking. Does our all-American
obsession with food extend to porn? You bet your sweet ass it does!
After you’ve pigged your way through this year’s Thanksgiving plate and
you need something to do ’cause Dad’s snoring too loud to hear the
game, go to your brother’s room and flip on the computer. Jump to
Fleshbot and punch in “vagetarian porn.” Who knew so many ladies were
doing so many, um, things with all those unsuspecting carrots,
cucumbers, and green peppers. What? You hate vegetables? Try searching
the meat-porn photo galleries of Dutch fashion photographer Remco van
den Bosch, or the online gallery of Catherine James’s Sacer &
Animalitas. These may send you frantically hitting the back
button—back to the kinder, gentler world of the vagetarians.
Whatever you do, DO NOT accidentally end up at ObjectFreaks.com. If your mom comes in
to see where you’ve wandered off to and sees that lady with a wine
bottle in her hoo-hoo, you’re gonna have some serious explaining to
do.

Kelly O—formerly a Stranger staff photographer, music writer, Drunk of the Week columnist, and more!—finished art school and a soul-crushing internship at a corporate advertising agency in Detroit,...