Porn: The Final Frontier

Hustler Video is on a roll, man. When I reviewed This Ain’t the
Munsters XXX and a gaggle of other X-rated TV-parody titles a couple
months ago, I had no idea this one was in production—the parody
to top all parodies: This Ain’t Star Trek XXX. Seriously. Geeks across
the land, let ye rejoice! This one’s gonna be BIG. Shit, if Hustler
were smart, it would have a booth at this weekend’s Emerald City
ComiCon. It would sell hundreds of preorders to that sci-fi
nerd-herd.

This Ain’t Star Trek XXX is the latest in a new series of big budget
(for porn) films that go that extra mile (for porn) in their casting,
set design, and props. Crikey, just look at the photos. Evan Stone
really does look a bit like a young Shatner, no? And Jada Fire as
Uhura? HOT! Um, Spock, well, Spock is off. Way off. But then again,
Leonard Nimoy is just an inimitable, freaky-looking human.

Star Trek has did-been-done-and-done-again. The franchise has been
fetishized a million-billion ways already (remember in the ’70s when
those creepy housewives started writing all that bizarro fan
fiction—called “K/S,” short for “Kirk/Spock”—about the
Captain and Spock being great big homos? Or those poorly drawn triple-X
comic books like Sex Trek and Sperm Trek from the early ’90s?).
Modern-day sex-hungry trekkies (sekkies?) can buy a membership at
SexyTrek.com—the
self-proclaimed “Only Sci-Fi Sex Site” that hosts X-rated image
galleries, Trek-related “fantasy” videos, and, of course, a chat room
and message board. Other XXX films have also been made—Sex Trek:
The Next Penetration, XXX Trek: The Final Orgasm, and Pornstar Trek:
Cheap Space Sixty Nine, just to name a few.

So WTF is Hustler doing making it AGAIN? And why do you care? ‘Cause
Hustler is making TV spoofs their new niche… their new bitch. And
they’re doing it REALLY well. In a press release on AVN.com, Hustler Vid stated, “[We’ve] spared no
expense in this production. LFP Studios is buzzing with construction of
the lavish sets, which include a bridge complete with Captain’s chair
and the ship’s intricate transporter room.” LFP director Jeff Thill
went on to say, “Growing up… in the ’60s, I never dreamed I’d have
the opportunity to see my favorite TV show convincingly re-created and
taken to the next level.”

I guess, Jeff, you can say a hardcore-sex-film set is “next level.”
I personally can’t wait to see who cracks the first Leonard “Bones”
McCoy joke. Gene Roddenberry will roll in his grave. I mean, his ashes
will, uh, roll their eyes from deep space.