Yum yum yum! Money money money! Mmmmmmmm, money! Grom-grom-gobble-gobble. I love it so much. Money is my food, and I, Bob Weinstein’s Wallet (my given name is Todd), am always hungry for more money! Hey, America, show me the money! Ha-ha, that’s a movie reference, and also a reference to money, which I am STUFFED WITH THANKS TO MOVIES, THE LIKES OF WHICH I AM NOW REFERENCING! God, I am like the most meta wallet ever. If I were a talking wallet talking about movies in a movie about a talking wallet that was about to make a bunch of money off of the movie Scream 4, I would probably tell you that Scream 4 is the best movie ever. Because it is! GO SEE SCREAM 4. YOUR TODD COMMANDS IT.
When my dad, Bob Weinstein, told me that there weren’t going to be any more Scream movies because it’s a tired franchise that couldn’t even entertain a sentient cactus wearing sunglasses (and those dudes will laugh at anything!), I got real sad. Because that meant less money! For me, Bob Weinstein’s Wallet! But then Bob Weinstein changed his mind (possibly due to the bowel-liquefying, high-pitched moaning noise that I emitted 24 hours a day for a full decade) and he announced that there would be another Scream movie! Talk about a wallet (me) getting a boner for money (yours)!!! I did. I got one. A boner. Touch it (THAT WILL BE $100).
Lucky for you guys, Bob Weinstein also let me, a stretched and soiled leather pouch that he keeps pressed tenderly to his left buttock, write the script for Scream 4! That’s why it makes so much sense. Scream 4 is a movie about people in a movie talking about being in a movie about events in previous movies that they were also in. In the idyllic tiny-town of Woodsboro, every 10 years or so the local children go BANANAS FOR STABBING (see: Scream 1). Then they stab everything. Unfortunately, due to the long, slow death of the American small town (thanks a lot, Barack HUSSEIN Obama!), Woodsboro’s entire police force consists of three loaves of raisin bread and one loaf of raisin bread with a mustache (David Arquette, luminous). With the death toll mounting, Courteney Cox has to race against the clock and get some more plastic surgery before the world forgets she exists and… and… GRRRRRRUUUUUNNNNNGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! TODD IS HUNGRY. GO. GO SEE SCREAM 4 AND SEND TODD YOUR MONEY. TODD IS HUNGRY. BY THE DARK FIRES OF SATAN’S MENAGERIE, TODD WILL NOT BE IGNORED! GRAAAAWWWHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
This was so stupid.
YOU WILL NOT GET MY MONEY TODD!! THIS IS A TIRED FRANCHISE..WORN OUT. I WILL NOT GO. WILL NOTGO. NO GO…YOU DO NOT have power over meee,,,must not check 4 showwtimes..thefleshisweakkkk the wallet is stronger. i bow to you oh great wallet of weinstein.
What a dumb article. First off, have you even seen the movie? There are quite a lot of people who like the camp horror genre and I LOVED the movie. Would I give it an Oscar, no, but that doesn’t mean it was a waste of a movie ticket.
Second of all, what movie is not made for the capitol they make on it? Becuase Hollywood isn’t exactly producing films for charity now are they. Ugh articles like this make me wonder who they employ at the stranger, I guess anyone can write for them.
What a dumb article. First off, have you even seen the movie? There are quite a lot of people who like the camp horror genre and I LOVED the movie. Would I give it an Oscar, no, but that doesn’t mean it was a waste of a movie ticket.
Second of all, what movie is not made for the capitol they make on it? Becuase Hollywood isn’t exactly producing films for charity now are they. Ugh articles like this make me wonder who they employ at the stranger, I guess anyone can write for them.
I agree with the carefully considered individual opinions of the two separate people above, ScreamFan and Moflow, in that I enjoyed Scream 4.
Unlike ScreamFan and Moflow (the man with the mo’fucking flow?) I thought I’d defend the movie beyond saying I wouldn’t give it an Oscar (which is true of, gosh, most things).
I’m a big fan of the series (grew up watching them), and this was the first time I was able to see a Scream flick in the cinema, so that was great fun. I thought that the secondary characters were better developed and more fun to have on screen than those of Scream 2 or Scream 3, and therefore found the horror elements more effective.
The reveal of the killer was pretty good, although I think I would have preferred if the movie had ended 10 minutes earlier (basically before the last scene) which apparently was what Williamson originally wanted.
This is all just my opinion of course, and should be treated as such (in the off chance any undecided readers check the comment section of a week-old article), but hopefully I’ve identified some strengths in the film if people want to check it out.
I liked the article BTW. As a review, it’s obviously trash, but it was funny and a pretty nice comment on the Weinstein Company’s MO. And anyone looking for a serious review of shlocky Hollywood films on the Stranger’s website is barking up the wrong you’re-a-mental-patient.
I love the original trilogy so I went to see this. It was pretty entertaining and I think relatively worth my money…but the wallet is right about Counrtney Cox’s plastic surgery. I still love her though.
Aaaaand these kids were all super easy kills. THat wouldn’t have flown in the first three.