To all the boys’ chagrin, the toothsome Dawn (a radiant Jess
Weixler) is a passionate advocate for saving yourself until
marriage, spending her free time conducting abstinence rallies for
crowds of adoring preteens. Little do they know that God—or the
nuclear power plant looming behind her family’s ranch
home—has endowed Dawn with a chastity device far more powerful
than human will: the vagina dentata. Cue a series of graphically
dismembered penises. Teeth isn’t perfect, but it’s definitely
one of a kind—and the abstinence-only parody is priceless.
(See Movie Times for details.)

Annie Wagner is The Stranger's former film editor. She was born and raised in Capitol Hill, but has since lived in such far-flung locales as Phoenix, AZ, Charlottesville, VA, and Wedgwood. After graduating...