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About a month ago, I slogged about watching all 72 hours of The Sopranos consecutively. As I wrote then:

Over the past decade I’ve watched dozens of Sopranos episodes on A&E and DVD and in HBO-rigged hotel rooms, accepting whatever episode was thrown at me and cumulatively encountering most of the major plot points, but never experiencing the story chronologically, thus never able to directly connect cause and effect between misdeeds and retribution for misdeeds, and most importantly, never knowing exactly when a character was lying—which, as we’re dealing with organized crime, is a lot of the time. It’s been—duh—amazing. I will not bother reiterating why The Sopranos is both one of the greatest television shows and one of the greatest Mafia-themed entertainments ever made, because everyone who cares already knows. But my chronological, unedited-for-TV viewing has been a 36-hours-and-counting dream.

Now it’s up to a 62-hours-and-counting dream, with my trek through season five bringing me to what feels like the single greatest Sopranos episode I’ve ever seen: the next-to-last episode of the season, “Long Term Parking.” The whole episode is unusually poignant, with Tony’s post-separation return home to Carmela (who looks slender and gorgeous in that perfect post-heartbreak I-think-I-may-be-single-again way) but of course the main story line belongs to Adriana, who tells Christopher her secret and the matter sorted out before nightfall.

This horrifying abruptness (see subject line) of mob life is one of the scariest parts of The Sopranos. I just got hit by another instance of this in season six, when Vito’s secret is discovered and he’s on the lam within the hour. The overarching moral: Being in the mafia is the kinkiest lifestyle choice there is. (Also, sociopaths make good TV—you never know what those fuckers are gonna do.)

(Also also, am I the only person who watches The Sopranos with subtitles? It’s really illuminating re: the Italian slang (madon’, goomar, etc).)

P.S. Turns out I’m not alone in considering “Long Term Parking” the best Sopranos episode ever.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

13 replies on “The Sopranos: How Quickly It All Falls Apart”

  1. I have family from the exact same part of New Jersey where the show takes place (we are Italian to boot). The producers got it EXACTLY right. Locations, that special American-Italian slang that is exclusive to North Jersey…..my father would get homesick when he watched.

  2. I watch both The Sopranos and The Wire with subtitles on. I like to know how to spell every ridiculous slang word they say.

  3. god, i was really hoping after this shit ended that people would stop writing about it.

    UGH. GUHHHH.

    i hate the sopranos so fucking much.

  7. DS, I agree that this ep is one of the best. However, I wouldn’t use the link you passed along as something that further validates your stance. Any list of the top TV shows of all time that includes “Friends” and “24” in the top 10 and “The West Wing” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” is pretty much garbage.

  9. That episode should have been the series’ last. It was damn near TV perfection. The last two “seasons” were near-ruinous to everything the fifth season delivered on.

  11. Oh yes, subtitles. Even more important when watching Deadwood or The Wire since there’s so much information and language and characters to digest. Please tell me you’ve watched them…I love The Sopranos, but Deadwood and The Wire…a whole new level. And I have to vote for Whitecaps as one of the best Sopranos episodes ever.

  13. Dear David,

    As noted above, the Wire is an amazing series. Please conduct the same experiment with it.

    PS. If you do, you’ll never see the Sopranos in the same light again.

    Best,

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