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As I’ve mentioned before and will mention again, this Sunday brings the broadcast of the Academy Awards, and Lindy West and I will be live-Slogging the shit out of it.

I will of course be watching every second of the broadcast, but there is only race that I’m passionate about, and that is Best Actor. I had resigned myself to Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler triumphing over Sean Penn in Milk, but that was until I saw The Wrestler, and now I can say that I do not want Mickey Rourke triumphing over Sean Penn because Mickey Rourke’s performance is nowhere near as good as Sean Penn’s performance.

Yes, Rourke “went there” and gives “the performance of a lifetime,” but consider the lifetime, and consider the performance—fully committed, maybe even faultless, but masochistic and vaguely exploitative where Penn’s is pure artistry. I get the feeling that, had he been asked, Mickey Rourke would’ve been totally willing to shit his pants then smear his face with feces—no stunt double or fake poop—and that’s not necessarily acting.

So: Please, God, see that the Best Actor Oscar goes to Sean Penn.

But enough about me.

What’s your top Oscar wish?

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...

30 replies on “The Only Oscar I Care About”

  1. Schmader wrote:

    “Mickey Rourke would’ve been totally willing to shit his pants then smear his face with his feces—no stunt double, no fake feces—and, uh, that’s not necessarily acting.”

    Wrong.

    That’s called committment to character.

    Would Sean Penn have been willing to have anal sex for his role?

  2. David, you are wrong. Rourke totally deserves it. Milk was good, but I honestly don’t think Penn was that fantastic. He deserves to be nominated, but I think even the Nixon guy was better than him. Rourke was best.

  4. If Williams died on the broadcast, it would seal his fame forever — and also his reputation for stealing his best bits from other comedians. Tommy Cooper already did it — JUST LIKE THAT! Tommy Cooper was 1,500 times funnier than Robin Williams, too. Biggest bastard who ever lived; he’d leave teabags for tips, saying “have a drink on me”. Youtube him.

  6. isn’t it easy to have a has-been playing a has-been? i think rourke did a fine job, quite good yet i still think the performance is just the viewer seeing a comeback rather than a transcending effort (like, er – penn).

    i recently wondered to some pals if rourke could play Harvey Milk and penn could play Randy the Ram. now we’re talking!

  8. My top Oscar wish would be for “Milk” to lose the screenplay award (but it probably won’t). Penn and Brolin and Van Sant’s direction were all fine, but am I the only one who was shocked by how bad the screenplay was, after all the hype it got? With manipulative, rickety devices such as the unnecessary flashback to Milk’s prediction of his own death, or the wheelchair-bound (LOL!) gay boy who phones at Milk’s darkest moments to give him the strength to carry on? Plus that WTF Diego Luna character?

  9. I haven’t seen any of these movies, but there WAS a 2.6 in L.A. yesterday and a 3.5 in Baja today. I’m guessing God’s just practicing his aim for Sunday.

  13. I think they always give the Oscar to someone who deserves it, but for the wrong movie. Both Rourke and Penn could win on this premise, but I think Penn will take it. He should have won way back for Dead Man Walking.

  14. I’ve never quite understood the whole, “Mickey Rourke is a brilliant actor who destroyed his career” thing. (the career destruction part I get; it’s the brilliant actor part I have issues with…)

    He was ok, but ok in a let’s imitate James Dean sort of way.

    Then again, James Dean was overrated, too…

  17. I hope the broadcast is so dull that the entire audience tunes out, convincing broadcasters to never air another awards show of any kind ever again. I’d rather watch CSI:Miami.

  18. @16, when I dive off the Aurora Bridge, it’ll be with four reverse somersaults, three twists, in pike position. I don’t fuck around. Welcome to the fan club! Now, wipe my ass for me.

  19. I voted for Robin Williams dying only because I don’t want any of the poll choices.

    Remember to account for the wind while you dive, Fnarf. I hate stepping over dead bodies that hit the path.

  20. Oh, and if that memo is authentic there is going to be a murderous witchhunt in Hollywood pretty soon that’ll be a lot more fun to watch than the Oscars. Sid Ganis (short for “glans penis”) is PISSED. You don’t fuck with the producer of “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” and “Big Daddy”.

  21. #8 – No, you are not the only one. Except I wasn’t shocked. Pretty much when everybody says how great a movie is, I know it’s going to be lame. I didn’t expect Sean Penn’s performance to be so mannered, though; I never forgot that I was watching Acting for a moment.

  23. I think Penn will win, in large part because the vast majority of actors – and it’s actors who vote for the acting awards – see Rourke’s performance as less acting than re-enactment. There’s a little too much Mickey in there. It’s a fabulous job, but what Penn did is much more difficult.

  27. @16 – Pure hoax: There are only two persons who know the outcome of the Awards, and they tally the ballots, and memorize the entire list of winners. Customarily, these guys are accountants with Price-Waterhouse or whomever now handles the balloting. Pretty much anyone who grasps Oscar handicapping would know that the two alleged winners for screenplay – original and adapted – are most unlikely to win – not to mention several other longshot “winners”. But it’s fun to speculate that such a monumental gaffe could have occurred. But it hasn’t.

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