Who’s excited!?
Whale Wars, if you aren’t familiar, is the reality TV show that documents the efforts of the Sea Shepherds, an organization of passionate (and clumsy) activists who are trying to stop Japanese whalers from killing hundreds of whales in the Antarctic Ocean. The whalers claim they’re doing it for research but really they’re butchering the animals and selling their meat in Japan for millions and millions of dollars. Seems like a good idea to stop them, right? Except there are a few problems with the Sea Shepherds, which make watching the TV show both hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time.
They’re led by Captain Paul Watson, a Santa Claus-looking man who was kicked out of Greenpeace for being too radical. He’s a drama queen. In the first season he claimed he was shot by one of the whalers, and he had a broken badge (that apparently blocked the bullet) to prove it. But really, there was no way he was actually shot. He just likes pulling stunts like that for press. He’s like the Spencer and Heidi of the open seas. He’s usually annoyed by the rest of the crew, who, in many cases, have never even been on a boat before. And now they’re battling in the Antarctic Ocean for months at a time, risking their lives to save whales.
The Sea Shepherd’s efforts to stop whaling are impeded by their constant rookie mistakes. Last season the crew was convinced they had lost a couple of their peers at sea because they couldn’t establish radio contact with them after the team had taken a smaller boat out to chase after the whaling ship. A storm was coming in, the seas were rough, and the radio was silent—it didn’t look good. Turns out SOMEONE JUST DIDN’T TURN ON THE RADIO. Another time a guy was fucking around with some rope on the deck, you know, just because, and he ended up denting one of the blades of the Sea Shepherd’s very expensive helicopter, turning it into a very expensive flying hazard.
It’s an absolute clusterfuck. It’s a clusterfuck for a good cause, but it’s still a clusterfuck. And judging from this season’s premier (which airs tonight on Animal Planet, and can be seen in OnDemand right now), things aren’t getting much better. Spoiler alert: they mistake an iceberg for a whaling boat and spend half a day chasing after it.
HA HA! And sigh.
I cannot wait. Chasing an iceberg.
South Park Studios
South Park Studios to supplement
If everyone was like this, that would be the end.
Isn’t that how it usually is with radicals? They can’t get their act together so they do not accomplish much and end up being fodder for hilarious memoirs. There is a whole subgenre of books about hippie radical groups from the 1970s who couldn’t get their act together- recently I read about a group of pot legalization activists who tried and failed to get arrested. Half the group lit the joints they were supposed to turn in as evidence, they were all so stoned that they passed two police stations while wandering around looking for a cop to arrest them, and one accused a fellow demonstrator of being a cop in an apparent fit of pot paranoia. I’d say 99% of far-outside-the-mainstream groups are like this. A few, like the Bolsheviks, get their act together, get a lucky break, and make history, and some have an effect before they flame out but most make only laughs.
Cool ass boat, though!
I can’t wait until the Japanese Navy starts returning fire. Fuck the Sea Shepard’s.
I lost all respect for Watson and the Sea Shepherds when they went after the Makah, when they got their whale. Douchebags. I hope they drown.
@6, you mean the Ady Gil? I had such pleasant fantasies of standing on the bridge at speed as The Gay Avenger, my long dark hair streaming behind me. (Avenging what, exactly, on the high seas, I don’t know.) Then they went and got it rammed and sunk.
@9…Awww, damnit! I wonder if they could get Treat William’s boat from the 1998 classic Deep Rising? That boat was pretty sweet as well, if I remember correctly. (I am sure there are much cooler ones now…)
Paul Watson can eat shit and die.
@ 8 – You mean the whale the Makah got with those high-powered rifles funded by Japan and Norway? The whale the Makah got when they didn’t really need the meat? The whale that rotted on the beach after all the ceremonial whale steaks had been portioned out to the tribe? The whale that the Makah later said they regretted killing?
That whale?
Yeah that whale. Fucking Indians should have to justify to you whether they really need the meat.
You know the Sea Shepherd and its crew are listed by the FBI as “eco-terrorists”?
I think BP can now be safely added to that list. Yes indeed.
@6: In the spirit of xkcd, I totally parsed that as “cool ass-boat”.