Here is why British public service announcements are more effective than US public service announcements:

Of course, after watching it, the ad might also inspire people to turn off the TV, too.

33 replies on “This Is Creepy and Effective”

  2. Whew.

    That was rough, but not as bad as I was afraid it was gonna be. Not like that Canadian workplace safety one where the lady slips and spills boiling oil all over herself. Jesus Christ that one’s bad.

  3. The thing is that really hot chicks like Keira Nightly usually date the super andrenalized douches who kick their model asses.

  5. well that made the little pit in my stomach, the one buried deep down, ache in pain. thanks for bringing me down. brilliant tv spot though.

  6. 2 * 52 = 104

    Maybe I’m just more of an awful person than I ever realized, but that number is a lot lower than I would have expected given how many nutso boys and girls are out there. I guess what I’m saying is: problem solved. Thank you woman beating ad for giving me the hard data to not care.

  7. @6. That’s just in England. According to the Domestic Violence Resource Center’s website, more than 3 women and one man are murdered by their partners in the United States alone.

  9. Guys just look at violence very differently from women. If somebody did to me what that guy did to Keira Knightley, at the very least I’d be gone in the morning, and at worst that dude’s throat would be cut by midnight.

  11. @7 & 8

    Thanks for the reminder that men can also be victims of DV Assault. Because of stereotyping by law enforcement, the courts, and even the victims themselves, men are often the ignored victim.

  12. The reason you’ll never see a PSA like that in this country is that we’ve all become accustomed to being fed pablum from our TVs. If something like this were on US TV, you KNOW millions of people would call to complain.

    “Oooo, it’s too harsh!”

    “Oooo, it gave me a panic attack!”

    “Oooo, it made my child have a nightmare!”

    This country is now fully Disney-fied and thoroughly pussified.

  13. @9 – Some women, Sven, some women. If that happened to me, there would be maybe a 5% percent chance that the guy would still have possession of his balls come morning.

    And @10 – this doesn’t seem to actually be a PSA (intended to reduce domestic violence). More like an ad to get people to donate money to the cause.

  14. #9 Sven makes a good point. The video is POWERFUL, yet all too often women don’t leave the abuser because of fear. There are shelters and safe havens, yet women KNOW he will change. It’s just a passing phase, the other day he was so normal and loving. I suspect the women that are murdered by their male partners where beaten more than once in the past and NEVER got a clue. Of course we all know that some bad attention is better than no attention at all. Some women just don’t know where to draw the line it would seem.

  15. @9,
    Respectfully Sven, the vast majority of women who are abused in relationships only stay because their perception of ALL alternatives are worse than the abuse. They believe that if they DO leave, their abusers will hunt them down and kill them and their kids (most abused women who stay have kids), or if not killed, they’ll be homeless and alone. It may not be true, but it’s what they firmly believe.

    You, and I, and most Slog readers are pretty well informed and likely wouldn’t stay in a relationship like that. Most abused women are NOT like Knightley, they’re mostly not all that educated and are pretty cut off from help (at least, they think they’re cut off from help).

  16. Also, and I’m fearing I’m going to sound like a horrible troll here, but a lot of times, the abuse STARTS with the woman slapping or hitting the guy (or throwing things at him) and then the guy hits back, then she hits again, harder, then he hits harder… and well, you see where it goes. And in a fight between a typical man and typical woman, the typical woman is just so much more likely to be the one who gets badly hurt/killed.

    Often, women won’t leave after getting beaten because sometimes they started it and they feel as though they’re at fault, that they provoked the guy into hitting them too hard. It’s a very sad and terrible thing.

    I sort of wish they didn’t show this kind of thing with Keira Knightley who portrays a completely innocent woman, because that’s not what the majority of abusive situations are like. It’s good to get this info out there, but c’mon, tell the truth. ALL hitting, no matter who’s hitting who, is bad and likely to end up with an injured or killed woman.

  17. if you want to see some home grown in the USA ads that are truly horrific, look up The Montana Meth Project website.

    yeesh.

  18. I worked with DV victims for 4 1/2 years as a counselor.

    I have to state that physical violence often follows verbal and emotional violence. Most smart abusers use the threat of violence to control their victims. Attacks are always premeditated, he decides what will be his justification well before he interacts with her. Even, if she has met all his requirements, he will find another reason. A likely target will be a threat to the child, and you bet she’ll take a beating to protect the child (or even a pet).
    Instances where the woman hit first are rare, sorry Urgutha Forka. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but its rare. Often, it happens to protect a child or a pet. You are correct she feels guilty, because she is ashamed. She’s ashamed that she has lost utter control, she often has no finances, no friends, she’s estranged from her family. She likely has no confidence in herself to recover, and it’s muddled with her love for him. The presence of a child make it even harder, because she may fear that he will keep the child from her or kill the child rather then let her walk away with it.

    Here’s some quick satistics.

    1) It takes 11 times, on average, for a woman to walk away from an abuser, before she permantly leaves him.

    2) Her chances of being murdered by him, increase dramaticaly when she attempts to leave.

    Yes, DV isn’t limited to women. There are men who are abused as well.

  19. To any woman or man in an abusive relationship. I want you to know that you aren’t responsible for another person’s choice to abuse you. You are responsible to start helping yourself. Your life is precious. The following are numbers and websites that can help you. IMPORTANT! Consider using a computer or a phone that your abuser has no access to, such as a pay phone or a computer at your local library. This is to protect your personal safety.

    National Domestic Violence Hotline:
    http://www.ndvh.org, 800.799.7233 or 800.787.3224 (TTY)

    Abuse Recovery Ministry & Services (Faith based)
    http://www.armsonline.org, 866.262.9284

    Crisis Support:
    http://crisis-support.org, 800.435.7276

    My prayers are with you. God bless you.

  20. @9 & 13

    Well, aren’t we formidable.

    I sort of want to try to explain this to you — there are a lot of things you clearly don’t understand about how domestic violence works. I can tell you from personal experience that if you beat even a very tough man long enough and badly enough, and really take your time with it, you can break him. So if you think your hardwiring would somehow make you immune to the kind of helplessness displayed in this video, you’re just wrong. If you don’t believe me, it’s just because you don’t know any better.

    As to the rest of what goes into domestic violence — well. It’s complicated. Much more complicated than you’re making it sound.

    But again — don’t fool yourself with regard to the toughness thing.

  21. @18,
    Good comment Kim. I tried to make a point that the reason many women don’t leave abusive situations involve a lot of complicated issues… it’s not just because “they don’t know any better” as so many people believe.
    Yes, regardless of who starts anything, it’s really the women in these situations (and the kids) who end up suffering the worst.

    I guess I just have issues with PSAs that feature Keira Knightley/alternative-attractive-hollywood-chick as the protagonist. It’s so NOT representative of what’s really going on out there. The real domestic violence problem is not a bunch of ultra-attractive women being beaten by steroid-paranoid-jock-types. Mostly, it’s poor, uneducated women with kids who are lost and feel abandoned by their family and friends and feel they have nowhere else to go.

    As I said, it’s a very sad and terrible situation. I don’t really think the Knightley PSA does all that much to educate anyone on what’s really happening though.

  22. Judah – I appreciate your post, and I, without a doubt, realize that domestic violence is not as simple as being “tough enough” to not put up with it. I recognize that it could happen to anyone, but… if there is anyone that is “immune” to domestic violence, it’s probably me. I have advantages that many women do not have (advantages which I am grateful for) – education, financial independence, no children, a network of supportive friends and family, comfort with not being in a relationship.

    I’m not going to go into my relationship history here, but, I’ll just say that I’m married now and wouldn’t hesitate a moment to leave my husband if he ever was violent with me, even a fraction of what was shown in that video.

  23. I wonder if they feel abandoned or if they were the ones who argued tooth and nail the person they are with is actually an incredibly great person?

    Abuse may be pre-meditated, but it’s always built up to. It is never without – obvious – signals.

    I say this knowing that my anecdotal experience can’t be a blanket for the experience of tens of thousands, but this terrible situation, while tragic, is not unpreventable. If a man hits you once… hell even Oprah spreads the word. I guess that’s what bugs me about the video; the real PSA they need to do should be a man striking a woman for the first time and she simply says “it’s over” and walks out the door right there and then. Show her going to a family member’s house, to a friend’s house, but show the action being taken right away when it isn’t the threat of being killed. Abuse builds, men and women don’t (or very rarely) beat the shit out of their SOs after the first date.

  24. Personally, I think I would leave immediately after something like that, or preferably not end up with a guy like that in the first place (that is, leave long before it escalated to that level).

    However, I’ve read about many cases where women do finally get up the courage to leave, and they get restraining orders and go to shelters and move to new cities, etc, and their ex still manages to show up and kill them. So once you’ve got a psycho like that fixated on you, its easier said than done to just leave.

  25. don’t underestimate the psychological hold the abusers have over their victims even in the absence of an eminent threat of violence or death. they routinely isolate the victims from friends and family and obliterate their self confidence, often long before the beatings start. this feeling of having no allies outside of the relationship coupled with the sense that maybe she really did deserve it can go a very long way toward keeping her in the home.

    the key is to recognize the escalating pattern and get out well ahead of the violence. because trust me – if there’s a pattern of control, belittling, shaming, sexual manipulation and isolation, violence is just around the corner. it may start with throwing things or punching the wall, then the next thing you know he’s kicked the dog … it WILL escalate to the point of physical violence. get OUT early.

  26. It helps that this ad is made by an award-winning director.

    And it’s been partially banned. they can only show up until he grabs her hair on TV. The whole thing’s in the cinema and on youtube though. But the kicking was considered too violent for broadcast. One would think that would be the point though.

  27. fucking hell.
    Ok, just had to say that. that is hard to watch.

    thoughts:
    re discussion of whether this is too violent for the general public. I’m not sure! It has its merits. but how bout for the viewers who are victims themselves and have already experienced this kind of thing? like with depictions of rape, surprising an unsuspecting victim/viewer with this stuff could really hurt them.

    why is this under the subject “the ladies?” Domestic violence hurts everyone, even if the recipients of violence are always women. relegating to a “women’s” issue somehow belittles it.

    re the pretty actress is not real life thing: i’m with some who think that using a famous pretty face is the only way to get a lot of people’s attention. nope, not real, but it grabs people.

  28. mr. herriman @ 25,

    Well said.

    Vitaminewater @ 24,

    Well said. An abuser who is fixiated, holds the attitude that he is above the law. Restraining orders and starting over in a new city, do not stop him.

  29. Urgutha Forka @ 21,

    Thanks. I’m not sure what the impact of the PSA is. You would be surprised at the number of truly beautiful women, living in million dollar homes, and college educated who would show up at my classes. Abuse doesn’t seem to be limited to socioeconomics, but (from my experience) there seems to be more shame and hiding with women who are educated and who were once self-sufficient. Although, they seem to have better options once they free themselves, family and friends with money for the attornies and to provide housing. Women who are poor who lack these benifts end up in shelters and with less aggressive attornies. From my experience, poor women seem more likely to return to their abuser, and women of faith tend to be more likely to return to their abusers (the God hates divorce thing). Both groups, without significant help and counseling, are likely to get involved with a new abuser if they succeed in completely getting away from the first.

    Abuse is really complicated.

  30. mr. herriman – a good friend of mine in college started dated a man who is a classic case psychological abuser, as you described it (isolating her, destroying her self-confidence). I still remember the feeling of shock when I found out that he had been working to convince her that we weren’t really her friends, that we didn’t really care about her (real life 101: oh… this really happens to people… and it’s happening to my friend).

    Anyways, 10 years later, they’re married now, He belittled a very smart woman into changing her career aspirations because it was “pointless”, and is pressuring her into having kids when she doesn’t want to.

    We’ve tried many times to get her to see what was happening, to no avail. She has all of the attributes that I described myself as having above except two: financial independence (remember that career change?) and comfort with being alone. It hasn’t turned physically abusive, which is another reason why she hasn’t left (he’s not that bad).

    So, yeah, I know it can happen to anyone. And that the power of psychological abusers is very strong.

  31. good luck with your friend, julie –

    hopefully soon (before kids and/or the first slap) she will realize that “not that bad” is just not good enough.

  32. Julie in Eugene,

    I’m sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she decides that she deserves better soon. I’m glad to hear she isn’t isolated from you.

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