I’m no internet sleuth, but I don’t think it’s the real Sawyer inside my computer assigning these nicknames.

8c9b/1234417533-nicknamegenerator.jpg

Because CLEARLY my Sawyer nickname should be “Boar Expert.” Or at least “Captain Falafel.” Bullshit, I say. “Avalanche.” Psh.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

25 replies on “This is BULLSHIT.”

  2. Lost is such a fucking lame ass show. It has not a single redeeming quality. Frankly, they should have a final episode where the island is used as a test ground for a nuke and fry those freaks.

  4. @2:

    I think my preferred ending would be that they discover a 70 year-old bat-shit insane Gilligan on the other side of the island who’s been yanking their chains all this time.

  17. I got “Bobby”.

    Bobby not a proper nickname for anyone not named Robert. I would be sorely disappointed even if my name WAS Robert. Srsly uncreative.

    Also: I like that the hair color options are “blonde” or “brunette”. As few men would ever call themselves brunettes, ABC is pretty clear about the audience for this particular test.

    I tried it again and got “Hot Lips”. Now he’s just blatantly stealing from MASH.

  23. @13:

    AHA! I knew Abrams was just ripping off an old, short-lived 1969 ABC series called “The New People”!

    I mean, doesn’t this series synopsis:

    “A far-fetched drama about young Americans stranded on a remote Pacific island. An abandoned atomic test site, the island still has structures and supplies, which enable the group to set about building a new society free from the mistakes of their elders. Guest stars who somehow manage to turn up on the isolated atoll include Tyne Daly, Billy Dee Williams and Richard Dreyfuss. The show was created by Rod Serling, who wrote the pilot at the request of producer Aaron Spelling.”

    Sound suspiciously similar to:

    After Oceanic Air Flight 815 tears apart in mid-air and crashes on a Pacific island on September 22nd 2004, its survivors are forced to find inner strength they never knew they had in order to survive. But they discover that the island holds many secrets, including a mysterious smoke monster, polar bears, housing with electricity and hot & cold running water, a group of island residents known as “The Others,” and a mysterious man named Jacob. The survivors also find signs of those who came to the island before them, including a 19th century sailing ship called The Black Rock and the ruins of an ancient statue, as well as bunkers belonging to the Dharma Initiative — a group of scientific researchers who inhabited the island in the recent past.”

    And I highlight Mr. Spelling, since his studio produces “Lost”, and – surprise, surprise – he also produced “The New People”.

    Now, one can certainly claim Abrams brought his own unique take on the series premise, but I can only wonder what similarly bizarre directions the Late Mr. Serling might have taken “TNP”, had it survived more than a handful of episodes.

  25. I can’t look at that guy in promos or at Cash, the bartender at Barca, without thinking they are the same person. P.S. Cash is better looking, and I think he works those gawdawful weekends, maybe Sundays….

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