A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, there were guys called samurai. They started out as civil servants in the early 1000s, and were eventually promoted to tax collectors. Then to cops. Then to proto-SWAT teams that put down peasant rebellions. Eventually, samurai became private bodyguards for big shots and became full-scale warriors. During the Edo period (1603–1867), guys called ronin—samurai who’d lost their masters but declined to mind their manners and stab themselves in the stomach—worked freelance. Sometimes a few noble ronin fought a bunch of samurai who worked for a jerk. Directors on both sides of the Pacific have made a bunch of movies about this samurai/ronin divide, from Star Wars to Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island.
13 Assassins is a two-hour riff on this theme. Its first hour and a half is devoted to proving the evilness of the powerful Lord Naritsugu and the negotiations between a dozen samurai and people who’d like Naritsugu to meet the sharp end of a katana. Director Takashi Miike seems to think he’s got a Shakespeare- or Kurosawa-level script on his hands—a kaleidoscopic story of royal personalities playing out their psychological issues in blood—but he doesn’t. For all their blather, none of the characters in 13 Assassins rises above the level of caricature: sadistic nobleman, down-on-his-luck samurai, doe-eyed samurai apprentice, blah blah blah.
The final battle is worth the price of admission, not only for the suspense of the violence (how’s that guy with two rocks gonna fight off those 15 swordsmen?), but for the human drama, as well. Characters who seemed like cardboard cutouts suddenly come alive as human beings, some young and some old, who care about each other and are plunging into a muddy, bloody death. Case in point: The great Japanese actor Kôji Yakusho (Tampopo, Shall We Dance?) plays the leader of the doomed 13 with a dark, fey grace that begs for a better scriptwriter.
13 Assassins is worth seeing, but show up late. 
I dissagree,ANY AND ALL samurai movie are COOL!!! you just need a little more info: look up shinto,buddaism,manga,anime,tokasatsu(power rangers,kamen rider),yakuza,and finally(this one is for you YODA)look up jidageki,(FYI,george lucas may have gotten the name “JEDI” from ~jida~geki, also look up ashigaru and ninja too… need more of a reason to see this or any samurai movie? piece of advice:star wars may be in”a long time ago in a galaxy far,far away” but samurai is on EARTH…think about that…
Did the previous commenter just reference the Power Rangers in a positive light as a reason to go see this movie? I honestly can’t tell; I can’t penetrate the haze of manic nerd energy to find his point.
You forgot to mention the Flaming Death Cows.
You also didn’t note that this is cut by 25 minutes from the Japanese version…
I disagree about Miike thinking his script is better than it is — dude has made enough good and bad movies that I’m sure he knows what he’s working with. This film was exactly what I wanted it to be: a classic samurai movie with a few touches of Miike weirdness.