What made you leave Ivar’s Acres of Clams?
I got into a brutal fight with the dancing clam. If I ever set foot in her acres again, she’ll cut me. That and I’m a vegan, so I had no idea what was in the red chowder. I don’t know what the fuck makes it red.
What do you do when customers ask for menu recommendations?
I lie through my teeth about how great the food is. I mean, at Crave I’m sure it is great. I’ve sampled their house-made granola. It’s delicious! Come on down!
Do you think that there is a correlation between food-industry workers and eating disorders?
Waiting is a great appetite suppressant. There are plenty of times when someone orders a dish and I want to say, “Are you sure you don’t just want to go with a banana today? Or a single grape?” My tips suffer but at least my conscience is clear. It’s exhausting working for the hungry.
How many food-industry jobs have you held in the past nine months?
Three—and I’ve left my black mark on each. But I really like Crave, and now I’m only working part-time in order to fulfill my dreams of being a rock-star librarian at Seattle Public Library’s Acres of Books.
Interview by Cienna Madrid
