Our own Paul Constant ate 23 fried spring rolls in 2 minutes. Uh, DAMN! I’m still in awe of all the contestants. And even more so, love and support for Seattle’s International District…
Kelly O—formerly a Stranger staff photographer, music writer, Drunk of the Week columnist, and more!—finished art school and a soul-crushing internship at a corporate advertising agency in Detroit,... More by Kelly O
I’m all like, Dino Rossi wt ffffffffff???
Keep this up, Paul, and not gay man in Seattle will sleep with you.
Dang. Bow down before Paul Constant. I never, ever, ever thought for one second in my life I would feel the slightest admiration for an eating contest winner. I never thought I’d be anything but disgusted at the thought — offended that anyone even said the words “eating contest” to me.
I was so wrong. Congratulations, Mr. Constant.
Three cheers to the Seattle Chinatown International District Preservation Development Authority (SCIDpda) and all the work they do for the community. Great job on a fun night!
I would sleep with a guy like Paul because of it.
I didn’t realize Patton Oswalt worked at The Stranger.
dour dow
@2 Seriously? That comment was ugly.
Paul Constant could never be that un-cute.
Some of those guys weren’t even trying. But, damn. 23 spring rolls. Color me impressed. And a little nauseated.
Spring rolls…spring rolls!
Why does everything on the West Coast have to be so effete.
You know what I miss?
Chinese food. No, not “Asian” food…but chinese food.
You know what Chinese food is?
No…you don’t — because your a West Coast flake.
It’s supposed to start with Egg Rolls.
Not spring rolls — but Egg Rolls and not teeny tiny pigs-in-a-blanket rolls, but think thick cylinders with a hot fried crust wrapping up dripping boiled cabbage and tender pork…dipped in excruciatingly hot Chinese mustard.
And that’s just the appetizer.
Then you get the spare ribs…lots of little spare ribs…that are done just right, and you just want to keep eating and eating.
Then you get the wonton. Not “egg flower”, not “hot and sour”…Won Ton. With big hunks of noodle wrapping more chunks of meat. And the soup is so good, you don’t know when to stop sipping the soup and eating the won ton.
Then you get the rice. And you know how its served? In these metal serving bowls that look like a flying saucer on a pedestal. And is it fried or white? Wtf? YOU ALWAYS GET BOTH!
Then, in more flying saucer pedestals you get almond chicken, chicken chow mein…and that’s about it. Why would you want anything else. You don’t get “Szechuan”. You get Cantonese. And you don’t call it “Cantonese” … you call it “Chinese Food” because that’s the only type there is.
And then you get a scoop of ice cream in a little bowl and fresh fortune cookie. And it has a normal saying inside, not some stupid x-rated thing or arts fartsy I Ching parable. Just like “You will inherit money.” Period.
That’s Chinese food.
that’s not how it should start at 7 stars pepper, @ 10.
it starts with bamboo shoots in hot oil. then it moves to the dan dan noodles.
can i get a witness?
Congrats. I hope you shook Dino’s hand. And I like what they did with the…Smash Mouth. I would’ve chosen something metal, but okay.
Competitive eating grosses me out, but that was quite impressive. Good job.
Also, I vote @10 as best nonsensical drunken rant of the night.
Dow constatine is a pathetic douche. If he needs to eat spring rolls to win the election, then fuck, he shoud NOT BE THE FUCKING COUNTY EXEC OF mother fucking KING god damn COUNTY!!!
And Paul Constant is absolutely disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself for being that fucking nasty. Get some fucking self-respect.
How is Paul Constant ugly? He’s a cartoon. And cartoons are cool. Except for The Dandy Warhols. They’re a cartoon. But they fucking suck.
Jesus H. Would it have killed Paul or that guy from the Bus to take a fucking shower before the competition?
@17 paul constant takes his showers in pure lard and self-importance. He’s disgusting AND self-absorbed. Powerful combination.
Presence.
With a double-ass meaning gifts i bestow,
with my riff and my flow,
but you don’t hear me, though.
think fast think fast catch me yo
because i throw what i know with a resonance, for
your trouble-ass fiend in weening yourself off of the
back of the shelf. Jackass, crackers, bodystackers,
Dick-tootin niggaz, masturbatin to yo triggers.
Livin to get older, with a chip on your shoulder, except you think you got a grip, because your hip got a holster. Ain’t no confessor, so, busta, you better just shut the fuck up. Try to listen and learn. Check that ego. Come off it, I’m the prophet, the professor, I’ma teach you about the worm. Who eventually turned to catch wreck with the neck of a long-time oppressor. And he’s runnin from the devil, but the debt is always gaining, and if he’s worth being hurt, he’s worth bringin pain in. When the sunshine don’t work, the good Lord bring the rain in
i’m surprised a closet cock-gobbler like rossi didn’t kill the competition…
Kudos, sir, Kudos to you… Excellent showing, indeed… Loved the hubris of Roll #24, too!
And, @10 – thanks for that great food porn… I was totally there with ya, dude… Those flying-saucer serving bowls… maaan…….
…and then he transformed into super host for Sedaris. we love him for pulling one for the dems and the dandys today—superstar dudio and editor. We heart paul bobby and his shrek cd.
Dear Paul Constant,
Ew.
I love you.
Love, Jocelyn.
<3
@17 Hipsters rarely shower… it washes away the smell of self-importance and grease.
But honestly Paul… amazing job. I always claimed that spring rolls were my “I could eat 50 and not puke” food (I had a friend that said hard boiled eggs… ew) but I don’t think I could go through with it.
hahahah have another spring roll fatty
Max @11 – I raise my hand to second 7 Star. You know, though, I’ve been where 10 has been, and I miss it sometimes.
you’re look a little downs-y with with those glasses
Paul Constant,
I’m impressed, a little nauseated, too.
Congratulations.
Great work my friend ^_^ I love your reviews and work, and now I have another reason to love you…
Threads like these bring out all the hack writers who want to become paid hack writers. “You are fat. Give me your job, Paul Constant, GIVE ME YOUR JOB.”
Did Kelly get any footage of Uncle Bob dancing later on? That man is a pimp.
Surprisingly those rolls only have 115 calories. But if you eat 23 of them, plus 2 on a victory lap thats 2875.
Not that I really care, but for the record: I am pathologically unable to go for even one day without showering and washing my hair. My greasy-looking hair is completely clean, I promise. You could eat off it.
@33: Do you have a source? That’s some good information.
Also, I haven’t eaten anything since the contest.
@34 self-absorbed FTW!
#32 – I wish! And I wish my own uncle was as pimp as Uncle Bob. Here’s a picture, though. A whole Flickr set, by photographer Michael O’Neil, from the fun fun night…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/scidpda/348…
Paul that was amazing. Way to be!
Rossi labeled himself as a “recovering politician”
I really want to support him in that and hope he never falls of the wagon.
Paul, I am officially in love with you. Yeah, I know you’re straight, but what can I say? Sorry.
I’ve thought you were very cute for quite some time. And intelligent. Powerful combination there.
Now, you’ve beaten a freakin’ pro football player (revealing your elemental studliness) at an eating (one of my favorite activities) contest. How am I to resist that?
But don’t worry, I won’t stalk you or anything. It will just go down as my 1057th unrequited love affair.
One more thing: did the football player set off anyone’s gaydar?
@38: He stole that line from Al Gore in An Inconvenient Truth.
@39: You are way too sweet.