I just opened up this:

kitkat1.jpg

to find this:

kitkat2.jpg

WTF, Kit-Kat!? You are a chocolate candy bar. Chocolate is not orange. Let me repeat: CHOCOLATE IS NOT ORANGE. I don’t expect my mass-produced supermarket candy bars to be crafted by monks from the finest quality organic ingredients (if you’re going to make a 5-cent peanut butter cup, you’re going to have some wax shavings and asbestos in there), but come on. At least pretend like you are made of food.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

34 replies on “For Shame, Humanity!”

  1. At first I thought that you’d found a giant bite taken out of your Kit Kat when you opened the wrapper. Now that would have been cool.

  2. I had THE EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE one hour ago!

    Like you, I was horrified by what I saw, but ate it anyway.

    Still, fuck you for making me eat gross orange wax chocolate, Kit Kat.

  5. I, too, was horrified by the same sight not even an hour ago. I, too, ate the Kit Kat.

    We are all unprincipled shitty-candy-eating-whores here at The Stranger.

  12. I love that two other Stranger staffers came into the comments to both be horrified and say that they ate it anyway. It made me laugh, at least. Thanks guys!

  13. The package shows an orange Kit Kat right on it. I would still eat it if someone gave it to me though, and I would be annoyed the entire time.

  16. They should have had the Kit Kat dress up as a different candy bar, like a Salted Nut Roll. Well, a sexy Salted Nut Roll, since nobody can seem to get enough of that no matter how lame.

  17. WTF? Where did all of you get this candy!? Do newspapers get free halloween kit kats so that you’ll blog about it? Am I in the wrong line of work (blog commenting)?

  18. Actually, it’s the “sauce” they use for “orange” chicken.

    Which, when you figure it out, is pretty much congealed axle grease, so …

    Chocolate is green, actually, so you’re all dye-aholics no matter how you slice it.

  19. Count me amongst the people who thought you opened your Kit Kat to find a giant bite taken out of it.

    What I want to know is, what does Megan Seling think? I thought she was the resident Stranger candy expert…

  20. You’re a moron, Will. Chocolate is not brown because it’s dyed. It’s brown for the same reason coffee is: it’s roasted. Seriously, dude, you are the stupidest fucking sack of piss in the universe.

  24. When you paraphrase Mr Show in your posts, you should include a little asterisk so people who don’t get the reference won’t think you made it up yourself.

  29. Even if it was a regular Kit-Kat that you buy in the U.S. it still would not taste as good as the original Kit-Kat you buy in Canada and the UK. The U.S. ones taste terrible.
    The U.S. ones are made by HERSHEY which makes the worst tasting chocolate. The original Kit-Kat’s I ate as a kid were made by Rowntree a UK company. It was bought out by Nestlé which now makes them using the original chocolate bar design and recipe.
    No I did not need to look this up I have always known this.
    Come to Canada and buy a Kit-Kat and you will notice the difference. The Hershey Kit-Kat just does not cut it.

  30. Didn’t Hershey move away from using cocoa butter in their “chocolate” to vegetable shortening or something else? I believe they can’t identify it as “milk chocolate” on the packages any more, but have to refer to it as something like, “chocolaty”.

  33. I ended up with a bag of those too! I looked at the ingredients lists and the orange stuff isn’t chocolate- isn’t even WHITE chocolate with food coloring. It is chemical tasting and gross. Needless to say I was more careful the next time I shopped for candy!

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