On Valentine’s Day, according to a police report, a woman came home just before 6:00 p.m. to find her house vandalized and burglarized, according to a Seattle police report.
The suspects, according to the report, had allegedly broken into her house through a window and made a mess, emptying drawers and cupboards. But it gets weirder. The police report says:
[The suspect(s)] lit candles in the living room, placed cushions on the floor and appeared to have eaten some of the victim’s food. They had thrown butter at the wall and window. They had placed the victim’s computer in a suitcase but had not stolen it. They had written on a place mat in the kitchen – “Ha, Ha LOL!”
The only missing item known at this time, according to the report, is the victim’s television.
My favorite part is the visual—people breaking into an apartment, lighting candles, putting down cushions and having a picnic, then getting into a butter fight?!?
But neighbors stated that they had seen a “male teen in a gray hooded sweatshirt” knock on the victim’s door and then go around to the alleyway around 3:00 p.m., the report says. The idea that this is a single suspect makes this crime even weirder.
i got fired when i was 17 for throwing 5 lb. blocks of butter around the kitchen of a german restaurant. which i didn’t do, but it makes butter throwing vandalism less surprising.
Teenaged kids (and teenaged boys in particular) are fuckwits. This is not breaking news.
was it marlon brando?
Supposedly it is quite common for burglars to raid the refrigerator, leaf through photo albums, and generally behave like some of my least favorite relatives.
@2, truer words. I never did this, but I certainly did plenty of things that should have left me dead or in jail when I was a teenage boy. When I look back on those days, it seems like I was walking around in a cloud of stupidity. Christ, I even listened to YES ALBUMS.
that’s the funniest thing i read today. butter fight.
hahahaha
Fnarf:
I knew it! I knew you had a sordid Prog-Rock past!
“When LOLCATS turn bad”…
@3 stole my thunder
this reminds me of the German film The Edukators, where youths break into rich people’s homes and rearrange their furniture and leave a note saying “the good years are gone, your time is coming”.
Well I certainly never did anything this stupid when I was a teenager.
I think the only proper response to this is government violence directed against the perpetrator and his clearly negligent parents (if they can be found.)
Lengthy sentences of hard labor all around! Breaking into someone else’s house is enough to get you a citizen-administered death penalty in most jurisdictions so I consider this getting off lightly.