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Yes, it’s really true. The man in this picture is eating a stick of butter, while waiting to board our red-eye to Chicago on United. Fortunately, there is an defibrillator just five feet away. Let’s hope at least one flight attendant knows CPR. My last first-aid training was in 2008.

Thank you, Slog tipper Sam.

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...