Like home hair-coloring kits and those services that deliver boxes
of organic vegetables to your doorstep, take ‘n’ bake pizza is a
laborious convenience, the utility of which is offset by unspoken
challenges. Are you really going to foil-wrap your own
highlights? asks Heather Locklear on the L’Oreal package. Are
you really going to eat all this kale? asks the soggy box from
Soulful Harvest Farms. With take ‘n’ bake pizza, the question is more
complex: Will this premade-but-uncooked pizza really come out of my
oven tasting like a gloriously low-priced alternative to
Pagliacci/Piecora’s/All-Purpose Pizza?
This question was put to the masses thanks to an entrepreneur named
Terry Collins, who in 1995 merged two recent acquisitions—Papa
Aldo’s Pizza of Hillsboro, Oregon, and Murphy’s Pizza of Petaluma,
California—into Papa Murphy’s International, a private
corporation based in Vancouver, Washington. Papa Murphy’s proceeded to
franchise all over tarnation, establishing 1,000 stores in 31 states
and Canada by 2008. Meanwhile in Seattle, a pair of take ‘n’ bake
upstarts named Greg (yes, both of them) were plotting uncooked pizza’s
next great evolutionary leap: ‘zaw (yes, that’s how it’s
punctuated/capitalized/spelled), “artisan pizza in the raw.” ‘zaw has
just opened its first three stores in Seattle’s Capitol Hill, Ballard,
and South Lake Union neighborhoods.
To salute Washington State’s stature as a hotbed of take ‘n’ bake
pizza visionaries, as well as to judge the distance between the
accomplishments of the groundbreaking Papa Murphy’s and the
21st-century ‘zaw, I undertook a side-by-side comparison, with research
assistance provided by Stranger restaurant reviewer Bethany Jean
Clement.
ACQUISITION
Possessing the fluorescent-light-on-bright-plastic aesthetic
popularized by Subway, Papa Murphy’s is essentially a sneeze-guarded
prep line leading to a cash register. Having called in my order in
advance, I was free to bypass the prep line—where a young male
employee was visibly counting out the advertised 80 slices of pepperoni
layered on every Papa Murphy’s Signature Pepperoni ($10.49
14-inch/$12.49 16-inch)—to pick up my Gourmet Vegetarian
($13.99/$15.99), featuring fresh spinach, zucchini, mushrooms, Roma
tomatoes, onions, and artichoke hearts layered over a “creamy garlic
sauce” and under an “herb and cheese blend.” Placed on a cardboard disk
and wrapped in clear plastic, it looked pale, fragile, and somewhat
sad.
Meanwhile, my assistant saw to ‘zaw, bypassing the snazzy Capitol
Hill storefront to avail herself of ‘zaw’s delivery service, in which
an uncooked pizza is brought to your door by a ‘zaw disciple, on a
bicycle, for two dollars extra. The delivery of an uncooked pizza is
puzzling, offering all the convenience with none of the instant
gratification. Might super-high people (one of delivery pizza’s key
customer bases) be tempted to skip the oven (which they probably forgot
to turn on) and eat their ‘zaw raw? To ward against such
‘zawtastrophes, the delivery person went over the baking instructions
with a slowness and specificity that seemed geared toward the
super-stoned. (“He was nice,” was the report, “which required
commensurate tipping. For an uncooked pizza.”) The pizza was the
Roasted Veg Head (a small-looking 12-inch or so for $18), a “medley of
oven-roasted organic veggies, including red bell peppers, zucchini,
eggplant, red onion, and portobello ‘shrooms topped with chopped garlic
and basil, Parmesan and mozzarella.” It looked pale, fragile, and very
pretty, with its fresh-and-organic vegetables laid out in a pleasing
radial fashion.
INSTRUCTIONS
Both Papa Murphy’s and ‘zaw are meticulous about their instructions,
walking the baker through every step of the cooking, cooling, and
cutting. While Papa Murphy’s communicates like the father everyone
deserves (with simplicity, directness, and quiet affection), ‘zaw
spices things up with coy asides: “Preheat your oven to 425° F.
(Now would be a good time to remove the plastic wrap).” You get the
feeling that Papa Murphy’s just wants to help you feed your family
and/or stoned guests, while ‘zaw wants to make politically-correct
jokes and really get to know you. The ‘zaw instructions’ fine print:
“Printed on 30% post-
consumer waste, made with wind-generated
electricity.” Generation of wind is arguably something best left off a
food label.
TASTE TEST
First up was Papa Murphy’s—both places frown on cooking two
pizzas at once—whose Gourmet Vegetarian emerged from the oven
tasting like every slice of “veggie delight!” pizza I’ve ever had at an
airport. The vegetables were plentiful, but the combination was a bit
klutzy, with the marinated artichoke hearts and Roma tomatoes tilting
the balance between juicy and wet toward the latter. My assistant was
kinder toward Papa Murphy’s, taken by surprise by the admirably fresh
and flavorful vegetables. Bothering us both: the bright yellow cheese
squiggles mixed among the mozzarella. Nonplussing us both: the “creamy
garlic sauce,” which supplanted tomato sauce and which neither of us
could figure out until I found an explanation on the website.
Speaking of websites, ‘zaw’s is rich with ambition, laying out the
‘zaw philosophy and identifying its pizzas as “circles of nurturing,
nourishing the tummy as well as the soul.” Our post-baking circle of
nurturing proved ‘zaw’s superiority with veggies: The peppers and
zucchini grew tender while remaining firm and rubbed up against slices
of eggplant and portobello mushrooms prepped to sidestep too-wetness.
The Parmesan/mozzarella cheese blend struck my assistant as
“unremarkable—which is good,” but she took exception to ‘zaw’s
organic ruby red tomato sauce: “Too sweet, with the dash of spicy heat
only complicating matters. It’s trying too hard.”
But the crust is any pizza’s ultimate test—one that is
particularly acute for take ‘n’ bake pizzas, cruelly denied the benefit
of professional pizza ovens. In our experiment, both Papa Murphy’s and
‘zaw’s crusts turned out more serviceable than delicious. In the case
of ‘zaw’s, the bottom failed to reach brownness or crispiness,
achieving only a firm gumminess and raising unpleasant questions. Was
the crappy Magic Chef electric range to blame? Were we too stupid to
bake take ‘n’ bake pizza? Why wasn’t it orders of magnitude better than
a frozen pizza (especially at ‘zaw’s price point)? Pervasive feelings
of guilt led us to one conclusion: Regular delivery pizza means never
having to feel like it’s your fault. 
This article has been amended: The ‘zaw test-pizza crust was not gluten-free as originally reported. While riddled with gluten, it was still more serviceable than delicious.
I’ve had ‘zaw on two occasions with the non-fancy-I-can-digest-everything regular dough, and it was so delicious. It’s sweeter than regular pizza dough, just the right thickness, and for whatever reason, it came out perfectly crispy on the bottom.
I did take issue with the price for a take-n-bake smallish pizza, but the flavor, presentation, and the fact that it’s cheaper (and actually faster) than its neighboring fully-cooked competitor made it totally worth it.
I just had one of those frozen alsatian pizzas from Trader Joe’s – what $5.00, with ham, cheese and caramelized onions. Better value, though I’ve enjoyed a regular crust ‘zaw or two.
aw david! though i love the gluten-free crust, you really shoulda tried the regular one. i mean, you didn’t get a gluten-free crust from papa murphy’s did you? and the ‘zaws are 15 inches, not 12..
i agree with freaking delicious. why would you compare the gluten-free, not interested in the gluten-free, but the regular crust at zaw is soooo good and they are for sure larger than that. i remain a big fan of zaw
Oh hell, we did NOT try the gluten-free ‘zaw pizza crust—I misread the ‘zaw website as saying ALL their crusts were gluten-free. We’ll amend the piece online and run a correction in the paper. It was the regular ‘zaw crust we found to be more serviceable than delicious—I would not do a taste-test pizza the disservice of ordering it with a gluten-free crust.
Yo, we like it deep dish style here in Chicago. Eat it at the restaurant, people. That’s what it is for, hello???
What next for dinner. Eat it like a vulture.
The only take & bake pizza I like are the ones in the cheese/deli section of QFC (can’t remember what the brand name is).
I usually but the four cheese pizza and then buy more ingredients like fresh basil, Italian sausage, mushrooms, and a couple balls of fresh mozzarella to hold it all together.
Bake it on a pizza stone, or if you have money, I’ve heard grilling is the way to go
I’ve eaten ‘zaw’s pizza a couple of times. The crust was so yeasty & sweet, which made it very un-pizza-like. Ugh. & they put so much sage on it, picking it off didn’t help. I gave it a fair try, despite the fact that their dumb name & signs fucked me off.
We ordered Zaw for the first time on election night – the regular crust ‘arugula patch’ pizza was AMAZING (as was the rest of the night). They put the arugula in a bag on the side with a slice of lemon to squeeze on top with instructions to add these ingredients right after taking the zaw out of the oven. We’ve ordered several times since and they’ve all been delicious and crispy. I was surprised the reviewer didn’t mention the most ridiculous, but kinda neat part of Zaw – they have suggested beer, wine and soda pairings for each pizza (they sell all suggested beverages of course).
While the reviewer may not enjoy knowing how his food came to be (wind power, etc.) we quite enjoy it and appreciate the effort. We stopped into the store once to pick up our pizza and the owner was very friendly and excited to tell us all about the sourcing of the ingredients, etc.
All in all, Papa Murphey’s is always tasty when you’re drunk, but Zaw provides a pretty enjoyable complete meal.
since when are you qualified to review restaurants???? Can anyone at the stranger take a turn and brutalize someones hard work and income???
As mentioned in your article, I gather you were stoned when you tried the pizzas. When I’m high (which isn’t as much these days) any pizza will do for me too. When I want good food, I think I’ll stick with ‘zaw. You obviously didn’t eat the same crust I did, I’ve had ‘zaw number of times now and i have to say everytime it has been amazing. I’ll get some weed though, and look forward to your next review comparing burger king with the metropolitan grill.
Not only is the branding of ‘zaw stuck in the 80’s (“We’re the new cool kid in town”- shut up! would a cool kid actually announce his arrival?)- but they made a shitload of noise while building their cap hill location, jackhammering at all hours, starting work at 7AM on a holiday. They managed to piss off many of their neighbors in the building before even opening.
“yeah they were totally jackhammering at 2am and stuff. oh, wait, no they weren’t. their construction crew worked the same hours as every other construction crew in the world and i’m just lame and have nothing else to complain about.”
Dear Suzette:
You wrote
” since when are you qualified to review restaurants???? Can anyone at the stranger take a turn and brutalize someones hard work and income??? “
Well, since when are you qualified to review an article? I’m not sure you read the whole thing… It specifically states that everything was done “with research assistance provided by Stranger restaurant reviewer Bethany Jean Clement.”
FYI.
Man, I guess i’m not getting high enough these days. If that was you S.R., get over it, you sound foolish. I’m pretty sure the guys doing any jackhammering are not the same guys tossing pizza downstairs at ‘zaw. I’m a neighbor too and I’m really glad their here cause their food is great!!! Shit, they even gave a free neighbors reception when they opened and I’m pretty sure that was the ones running the place and not the ones running a jackhammer. Everytime in, the people are really nice at ‘zaw. You sound as biased as the article reviewer. I suggest you get off your ass and try their stuff, which is what this is supposed to be all about, not finding some jackhammering jackass excuse to complain.
zaw vs papa murphy’s?
I live upstairs from one of the ‘Zaw’s.
for a take and bake pizza. its fricken killer?!
way better than frozen murphy’s
who ever David is?…. is really lucky his boss doesnt check his work?…. what a fucktard?!
one of the most retarded reviews I’ve ever read?
fuck it who is his boss? I need his job? shit my talking parrot could spit a smarter review… epic fail.
go back to school.
go tell Zaw your sorry!
Prissilla?
I think you need to go back to school? to figure out how to write? you coulnd’t write a decent review if your life depended on it??
you fucktard?
I’ve tried ’em both and I think ‘zaw is way over priced, too precious, and the whole experience of waiting for the pizza by sitting on a cold bench in a cold storefront just not my cuppa tea. Papa John’s is not great pizza, but let’s face it…neither is ‘zaw’s and they really stick it to you in the price dept. And oh yes, if you can’t pick out your own beer and soft drinks, well yes, you probably will be the ones persuaded by such silliness as their ‘wind power’ comments. Some people will buy anything to look cool…
Where did they find room for a wind machine in Capitol Hill? If I lived in a building and a pizza store put a wind machine on top of my building I would be a little irritated as well.
But Zaw delivers beer and wine. That’s the clincher.
I used to work at Papa Murphy’s (8 years ago as a high school student) and I’ve had more pies there than I can remember. And the reviewer is right–the ingredients are fresh and delicious, but the crust is just a crime. It’s so bad.
@ suzette: never & of course.
wind power is blarty. eat it like a vulture.
Suzette: you must be new here.
Of course the stranger is qualified to review. Anything.
It’s the Stranger.
Welcome to pansville.
By the way:
Costco Take-Home-Raw-Pizza, for the win. Emperor of all: $7.99, 16″, generous toppings that are only mere hours less fresh than PM or others.
QFC is palateable, but QuiteFuckingCostly, as usual.
$18 for a 12″ or even a 15″ take & bake pizza is completely absurd! For the same price, or a few bucks more, I could get a real pizza. Cooked to perfection in a coal or wood fired oven. Crust is essential, as agreed, and your home oven can’t compare. If I’m stoned and want a cheap pizza I’ll stick with Papa Murphy’s.
we just had our first zaw pizza and the entire experience was enjoyable. the staff in the capitol hill store was super friendly and clearly excited about food and good ingredients. papa murphy’s doesn’t compare at all. we ordered the shroom fest, which is lots of mushroom goodness on a thin, bubbly crust. a cheaper alternative to pizza delivery and delicious!
papa murphy’s is a dream come true. the people who work there are nice, the pizza is cheap, it’s super easy and completely unpretentious. it’s also good. i’ve known certain people to eat the crust raw it’s so good (possibly a health code violation, i admit).
without having been to zaw i can say unequivocally that it sucks, and that papa murphy’s deserves all of our affections.
A “pizza” cooked at 425 degrees? Fuggedaboutit. That’s no more a pizza than a taco shell filled with Cool Whip is a “cannoli.”
Furcifer, cooking is different than baking. You oughta know.
I’m a believer in Papa Murphy’s Gormet Veggie- that creamy sauce and artichoke heart cheesy goodness slays me every time. I live next to the ‘zaw in SLU, and it would be convenient except that they’re not set up to accept EBT which hellllla sucks. But they do have a great beer selection, which is crucial.
And I know this has nothing to do with take n bake, but has anyone eaten Dominos lately? You can order it online and it’s something like 6 bucks for a 3 topping medium. And then they bring it to you. They do everything but feed it to you (which I think they should look into). Delicious.