Hello! I am annoyed. Prone as I am to love things made out of pork and fried in a pan, I was very excited about Dumpling Dojo, a newish and temporary purveyor of handmade dumplings squatting in the space formerly known as Siam on Broadway. At some point in the near-ish future, the property is slated to become a bank, at which time Dumpling Dojo will be 86’d. At first, I was tempted to file this news under “Sad.” (Dumplings! My favorite food! In my neighborhood! Handcrafted by a scrappy and enterprising young lady-chef!) However, now that I have twice eaten at Dumpling Dojo, I am sad for a different reason. I can report that I would rather eat a pile of soggy money than dine again at Dumpling Dojo. Let me now explain in five parts.
1. The Dumplings, $23
The first thing I noticed upon arriving at the door of Dumpling Dojo’s spare, clean, temporary home was a sign informing me that this is a cash-only establishment. Of course! I should have anticipated. No sweat. A trip to the cash machine yielded me $60—obviously more than enough to cover dumplings for three. Obviously. Determined to try every kind of dumpling available—there are five—we ordered two samplers ($11.50, one of each plus the day’s special dumpling). In case you need me to do that math for you, these dumplings cost $2 each. Surely these expensive dumplings are massaged into being by Narnian indigo children in Liberace’s gold-plated mausoleum, blessed by Billy Graham, and delivered to my table by hypoallergenic monkey butlers. Right? Surely they are at least special.
Well, they are large-ish (two bites apiece) and fetchingly browned, with some sort of perfectly adequate but completely unmemorable dark dipping sauce. The species of dumplings are as follows: Pork! (“Ginger, Granny Smith apples, napa cabbage, hoisin.”) Beef! (“Lemongrass, sweet onions, Chinese chives.”) Wild mushroom! (“Caramelized leeks, white wine, whole-wheat wrapper.”) Gulf shrimp! (“Bamboo, lemon zest, black pepper.”) Daily special! (Chicken curry.) The beef is the most satisfying and memorable of the bunch (though my dining companion preferred the gingery shrimp). The pork had the comforting familiarity of a million meals in the ID. Dumpling Dojo’s vegan mushroom option had promise, but the mushroom flavor was wholly overwhelmed by its gummy whole-wheat wrapper. Chicken curry tasted like chicken curry—that is, fine.
To be fair, these dumplings are far tastier than the dubiously porky, obviously fried-from-frozen gyoza you get at a lot of restaurants. They have structural integrity, a satisfying chew, and they’re clearly and thoughtfully made from fresh, worthy ingredients. But they are not special. They are not $2 dumplings, and if $2 per dumpling is the price point necessary to make these dumplings out of these ingredients, then, well, I guess I won’t be eating them. Sad.
2. The Seaweed Salad, $6
A pile of seaweed the size of a malnourished baseball. Slightly underseasoned, slightly slimy, mostly inoffensive. Whatever.
3. The Greens, $7
These were the mediocre point of the meal (or, if we’re grading on a curve, the high point!). Lovely and simple, tender and bright, the little baby bok choys were perfectly cooked in ginger and garlic and nothing else.
4. The Soup, $11.50
The soup is where I really lost my shit. The soup is very simple: “wheat noodles, crispy shallots, bean sprouts, scallions.” It contains four beef dumplings in—I believe—slippery wonton wrappers instead of the chewier dumpling wrappers. They tasted like the regular beef dumpling—that is, medium good. The wheat noodles were basically spaghetti. The broth tasted, literally, like nothing. I had to pour the rest of my dumpling dipping sauce into my bowl just to feel something. My feeling was woe.
5. The Mocktails, $19
Listen. Just because you stuck “ocktail” in the name of your juice beverage does not mean you can charge the same as (or more than!) an actual cocktail. I might pay $6 for an actual cocktail because that has delicious, life-giving alcohol in it. Dumpling Dojo’s “mocktails” are just juice. My coconut-cranberry fizz ($6) consisted of Ocean Spray cranberry juice, a dash of the coconut syrup you’d find at any coffee stand, some sparkling water, and a squeeze of lime. THAT IS JUICE. The other two were slightly more ambitious: Not So Dark & Stormy ($6.50, house-made ginger syrup, lime juice, molasses) and “Gin”ger & Tonic ($6.50, house-made juniper-berry-ginger syrup, tonic). But still, essentially just juice. A small amount of juice (the mocktails are not large) for $6.50. Sigh.
Matchbox Twenty played on the stereo. The bill came. It was $72 ($85 with tip!). $72. $72. $72 for 10 dumplings, a bowl of beige spaghetti water, some cranberry juice, four bites of seaweed, and some bok choy that would have cost $3 in the ID. I had to go back to the cash machine. I was still hungry. I felt sad.
I returned to Dumpling Dojo a few days later for a follow-up visit. Matchbox Twenty played on the stereo AGAIN. Again I wanted to like it. Again, the dumplings were merely fine (though the $6 miso soup was inedibly salty). Again I felt overcharged and underfed. Again, sadness. To cheer up, the next day I stopped by Szechuan Noodle Bowl and picked up an order of vegetable dumplings in hot and spicy sauce and a green-onion pancake. My order came to $11 and I couldn’t finish it all. Long live the dumpling. Dumpling Dojo, not so much. 
Yeah, I saw the prices when I walked by one day and I thought it must be a joke.
-Me
I too walked by, looked at the prices, and walked on, laughing and shaking my head. Dumplings are street food, not haute cuisine. we need more real food stops on Broadway, and NOT more pho! Is the affordable restaurant market so totally gone in this neighborhood? Are there no creative AND affordable food choices left here on the hill? All these people here and we lose books, gain clothes and have only mediocre food. THAT’S the sadness, Lindy.
I love you, Lindy West. You are a crackerjack!
Lindy, when are you coming to give Chicago the works? Let me know if you need a lackey.
as much as i hate to admit it, lindy is right. i desparately wanted to love Dumpling Dojo. but $23+ for 10 dumplings? the dumplings were fine, but not mindblowing. but trader joes dumplings are also fine for $2.99. I’m not sure a mindblowing dumpling is even possible, unless I’m high out of my mind and have a hardcore case of the munchies. NOTE TO CHEF: drastically drop the price (think 50 cent dumplings), ditch the mocktails (what’s the point?!?) dream up some wacky sauces (check out Pike street Fish Fry), and sell them to drunk people, and everyone wins!!! Plus, change your name, b/c everyone is gonna equate dumpling dojo = rip off. good luck!
The saddest part of the whole thing was that West was stupid enough to eat at such a place, and I was stupid enough to read this piece of crap.
Is this a food review or a freaking diary entry?
This place has the most amazing dumplings I’ve ever tasted. But it’s not in Capitol Hill.
http://www.yelp.com/biz/fu-man-dumpling-…
Sichuanese in the ID has the most delicious dumplings I’ve ever had, and $4.50 gets you twenty.
Holy crap, how many dumplings do you need?
And I get the sense you aren’t a big fan of fresh ingredients, in general, Lindy.
LOL!!! My oh My. Where O where do I begin? How ’bout here: First of all I am laughing at Sonder’s and Friedchicken’s comments, because they are so RIGHT ON! I have recently moved here from NYC and basically what I have found is that Seattle is LACKING in any kind of decent food. But what is WORSE is that the Seattlite’s themselves think they are foodies, and I’m sorry to report, but y’all ARN”T!
Now, this is not the place to rant about that, but is the place to let all of you know out there, that Dumpling Dojo is fantastic. Who in their right mind wants to eat, yet again, another greasy dumpling from Chinatown? Oh excuse me, I mean the ID. (Note people – it’s not an International District if it’s only representing the Asian countries).
A further more, I hardly think DD should be compared to any traditional dumplings, as they are way out of that league.
I have been eating at DD since they opened in March, and I’m eating there as much as I can while they are still around. I happily pay the $2 a piece, because they are worth it: handmade! hand rolled wrappers! who does that anymore? Oh, I know, Dumpling Dojo!. Lean meats, innovatively well seasoned. Beef and lemongrass my fav!
Furthermore, I was SO happy to see that the chef at DD is willing to be creative. She currently has a baked potato dumpling! YUM! Plus a moo shoo!! Double YUM!
So, I say, before you take Lindy so seriously, go in and give the Dojo a chance. But if you are looking for greasy cheap eats, ’cause you don’t want to grow out of you college daze, then move along. Leave the good eats to the real food lovers.
(PS – think about how much you pay for sushi! Duh!)
What the hell? So the dumplings are tasty and handmade but the price exceeds the “ethnic” food limit? Some restaurants are expensive and some restaurants are more affordable. I went to How to Cook a Wolf the other day and ate delicious by smallish portion of handmade pasta, way out of my price range and I will probably never go again but I didn’t walk away all pissed off because they charged more than the Old Spaghetti Factory does.
#11, I’m from Providence. And as a New Yorker, you should know that east coast street food is way cheaper than it is in Seattle, right, and that the Dumpling Dojo prices are overly jacked up?
In Providence you can go into any bakery and pay .75 cents for a pizza strip or spinach pie and $1.75 for a hot weiner, as opposed to the $5 hot dogs they sell out here. I don’t care how good the dumplings at this place are, $2 a piece is just stupid. I love homemade food as much as the next Italian east coast tranplant, but I’m not a fucking yuppie willing to pay dipshit prices.
Different views for different people.
If this reviewer took time to be a real journalist she would have done her research other than going twice. First just incognito and then second not bothering to interview the Chef using organic, local, and sustainable ingredients plus from the CIA to boot.
I was at the counter with my significant other one day and this writer sent in a photographer who lied that Dumpling Dojo’s reviewer write a glowing article about the place. The photographer herself was in awe and couldn’t stop saying enough about how good everything was. So we were expecting a great article.
We were very disappointed to find that the photographer, Kelly O, had lied to the owner and staff about what Lindy West had said what obviously turned out to be a lie.
This takes the Stranger down another notch on their style of reporting: lie to Chef and staff and then write something else. Why bother going back if the first visit didn’t suit you?
Kudos to Sonder and Friedchicken.
dumpling the motherfucker already
@14 Food critics are supposed to be icog f’n nito.
Lindy – Why did you review a place that is going to turn into a bank? I love your writing but the topic choice seemed strange. Do you love dumplings that much?
Szechuan Noodle Bowl’s green-onion pancakes and dumplings are TO DIE FOR! Best. In. The. City. Well picked, Ms. West, well picked.
SERVING CRAPPY FOOD at Richy Rich prices won’t work on Broadway. Sayonora!
proof that emailng and texting from an early age are harmful–when writing! next time, please continue drafting until no more than two !! are necessary!! (see how annoying those ! are when overused!?!)
20 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the drizzle in the photo is what’s hilarious. I’m half Korean and my Mom would crank out a plate of fried Yaki Mondo like other kids moms would boil hot dogs. Now this joint is selling fried dumplings like they’re high concept. What a fucking joke! YO and all you complaining New Yawkers, Fawk You!!!!!!!!!
Lindy…I love you and would like to go out sometime & eat with you. I love your critiques and I have been a professional server for over 40 years. I love sharing your reviews on FB and I must say that you keep me in stitches……I love you!
They played a whole Stevie Ray Vaughn album when I was there. fucking bummer
@10: Are you saying I’m too fat to be a food critic?
@20: OBVIOUSLY I AM IMPERVIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hypoallergenic monkey butlers? What are you trying to say, Lindy? Why does the help always have to be monkeys? And why hypoallergenic? Are monkey butlers usually dirty? What are you implying? I’d say your little Freudian slip is an indication of much deep seated issues than dumplings, Ms. West. Are you just prejudiced against minority owned restaurants? Trying to ethnically cleanse Broadway’s eateries? This isn’t Arizona, ya know? Since when did you develop Hitler’s palate? Oh, sure if it was Cousin Jeb’s Fried Chicken & Dumplings, you’d be stuffing your face and yodeling their praises, right? I’m watching you, Lindy. And your little dog, too… unless some Asian restaurant on Broadway ends up wokking your dog for you first… then I’ll just be watching you, ‘cuz you’re suspect.
Dumplings for $2 each is insane. Top Chef-style “reimagining” of street food, in general, sucks for when you are actually hungry. I’m all for creativity, but sometimes you just wanna eat, yo.
@11, you are an ass. Enjoy overpaying for food that is made for a tenth of that price.
@11 almost every single dumpling in the ID is handmade with hand-rolled wrapper and they’re still cheaper and tastier.
@14 a piece of paper from the CIA isn’t a license to inflate menu prices, it’s a sad reminder of how much you owe while you’re cranking out mediocre dumplings.
Dammit, Lindy, I hate to hate on you. Your movie reviews make me laugh so hard I want to pee myself, and then you turn around and say something so smart I just have to say DANG.
But your review of Dumpling Dojo was just fucking mean. You hated the mocktails. Fine! You thought the dumplings were overpriced. Got it! You’re mad as HELL that you paid an asston of money for what you should have, in your mind, paid three bucks in the ID for. And the music!!! You’re all tizzed!!!
All of those things are legitimate complaints-but you’re not reviewing a megaplex summer movie here. The Dojo’s grub is made by peeps in your neighborhood, who welcomed you in and fed you and tried to give you a great dining experience. They did not pee in your “mocktail”, they did not verbally abuse you, and they did not hold a gun to your head and demand your cash money. In return you spent a long time crafting a really cunty review that would read better on Yelp.
It was a very entertaining read for folks, I’m sure. But a review like yours can be devastating for a restaurant, especially one that is new and still working out their groove. I wish Yuen and her crew at the Dojo the best, and I hope she’s able to suss out the critique from the crap review and become the awesome dumpling shop the Dojo aspires to be.
Well first off, having a restaurant in a location that isn’t going to even last is not good to begin with. Restaurants ultimately rely on regulars, so obviously a “temporary restaurant” isn’t all that great of an idea.
Also, having a degree from the CIA doesn’t really mean all that much. Really, it depends on the cook.
I think that this article was a little pissy, but I think that all of the complaints are valid. Why do people go out to eat? Because they want to eat something nice/good, because they want to be served, which also goes hand in hand with the atmosphere. If the food just flat out didn’t taste that good or was bland, that’s bad. It doesn’t matter if the chef is whipping the food up from crazy amazing sustainable organic stuff, if the food doesn’t taste good it doesn’t matter. Obviously the food wasn’t good enough for her to want to come back and pay those prices for it, and it seems like she would have been just as happy going elsewhere.
Dear lindy west,
You are a hateful, vapid, lump of a “woman.” Find a hole and seal yourself in it.
Signed,
The internet