I don’t know who I loved more—while filming this little video at The 5 Point Cafe’s 80th Anniversary yesterday—the lady who couldn’t WAIT to confess her decades-old dine-and-dash story, or the funny lady at 0:48 who told me they were there “celebrating a colonoscopy with cheap beer and bad service.”

The first time I ever went to The Five, back in ’98, someone read my tarot cards, I cured a hangover by drinking a bloody mary and eating a whole jalapeño pepper, um, I slipped and fell on my face ’cause someone spilled brown gravy on the floor… and then I went home and got laid. The 5 Point has a special kind of magic. The kind of magic that takes 80 years to brew. Everyone who I talked to yesterday had nothing but love for the place. Here’s to 80 more years! And shine on, you crazy diamond.

Kelly O—formerly a Stranger staff photographer, music writer, Drunk of the Week columnist, and more!—finished art school and a soul-crushing internship at a corporate advertising agency in Detroit,...

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