Today, I went to a grocery store in order to make some shopping. But the sections of this store made so obvious the cultural gap between France and the US that I had to post about this. First, I saw de la confiture. I was very happy to see that you have fine products in your grocery stores.

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This is typically what you eat where you’re on holidays in the countryside. You get up, awake au chant du coq and you walk or ride your bicyclette to the nearest village. There, you buy some fresh bread, ideally a baguette and not some sort of limp and floppy pre-frozen bread like this.

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French, French—et mon cul, c’est du poulet? You also take some fresh butter made up by a farmer and not some weird butter-flavoured spray. Then, you go back home with your local newspaper folded under your arm.

There, you cut your bread into thick slices. You love these moments of calm when the rising sun caresses your skin while the birds are singing. Then, in a delicate gesture, you take a knife to spread butter on the bread and add some confiture with a spoon. And you eat it all, enjoying the orgasm growing inside of you.

A few moments later, your kids join you. Actually, they prefer Nutella because it’s sweeter. Once in a while, yeah, you let them spread Nutella on their bread. It’s a bit fat, but they’re French too, so they won’t abuse it. I mean, they’re not like those American people who make excesses all the time, are they?

Those American people… Their food is just disgu… Hey! No judgment allowed on foreign cultures. No opinion, Julien. Give the facts. Only the facts. That’s what your internship is about: learning from American journalists so as to report the facts and not your own opinion. If American people really want to eat a soup made of powdered cheese and potatoes, that’s their very right. Sure, it makes you nauseous, that’s a fact, but you’re fine as long as they don’t force you to eat it.

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And yes, their oil spray and their liquid eggs can look like a heresy to all the supporters of good food and natural stuff, but deal with it. In fact, how can you resist the delightful sight of these macaronis trickling with cheese?

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Well, you have thrown up. Big deal. Never mind. You should make a meal of your own. Let’s move to the fresh products section. Don’t these fresh vegetables look tasty? And have a look at the moisturizing system. You don’t have this in France, don’t you? You just let them dry all day long. You see: American people can make good things too.

And I’m sure you’ll take some pancakes. Your French crêpes are not that much enjoyable, aren’t they? I can see you’re looking with envy at those pineapple packs. They seem convenient, right? You don’t have this in Paris, for sure. Really? You have to carry the whole pineapple if you want to eat some? Modern stuff can really help sometimes.

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Let’s leave now. Do you want a copy of this magazine with Justin Bieber on the cover?

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Oh no, please, don’t throw up again.

144 replies on “The American Way of Food”

  1. @88: Oh, and you know what else was fun? Trying their boxed juices, which really spoke to the geographical differences. Not so much apple, a lot more pear and peach, and definitely a penchant for mixed juice. There was an orange/carrot/lemon combo that *owned.*

    It’s kind of silly how much enjoyment I got out of that.

  2. @95, I’m not defensive, I’m merely taking this opportunity to counter some popular misconceptions about the French — that they are invariably classier, better-read, better-fed than us. Julien needs to have his balls crushed a little, it’ll be good for him. And if you’d read the Clarke books I mentioned, you’d see the humor in it. Plus I’m helping push him over 100 comments; he’s one for one so far.

  3. @104 – and after this, just two comments away from overtaking SLLOTD about porn as most commented on. Fucking Frenchies taking American jobs and doing them well!!!

  5. The funny thing is that, a lot of you felt attacked by this post and the clichés about your lifestyle in it (I’m very sorry if your supermarkets are full of crap, but I’m sure there’s also something called Marché in your big country. If not, I’m willing to accomodate an American in my Parisian flat by pity.) but your only responses to that are others clichés about France.
    Wrong clichés by the way. As for how American lifestyle is terrible I guess.

    Yes in France, we have some crap in our supermarkets, thanks to the American culture which floods our lives everyday. But if I eat some of that crap, then mon cul c’est du poulet.

    And just to clear up a few things :

    -We have restaurants of all kind in France, of every culture, we even have some “dinners” for all our American tourists who line up under la Tour Eiffel (a little tip : we have other things to see) and you can find some of the best sushis in the world in Paris. Just so you know.

    -I never heard of spray cheese in my entire life, this website would be Canadian it wouldn’t surprise me.

    -Le petit Nicolas is a very bad movie. But seriously, between France and the US, which country has the biggest bad movies ratio per year?

    -I’m not on strike right now, but if I’m bored next week, I might consider it. After all, i’m French. Thanks for bringing it to my mind.

    Now I’m gonna sit in an Café under la Tour Eiffel, smoking and looking arrogant.

    Hey, see, everyone can feel attacked when you spread some clichés about his country.

  6. How do they manage to make decent wine if their grapes are all as sour as this?

    That being said, my favorite cliche’ about American food is: it’s brown, it’s salty, it has cheese on it, and there’s too much of it.

  7. @105: thank god for that; I never want to talk about porn again!

    @104: yeah, well, I think it’s good for Americans, too. Like Mr. Top here @105 — it’s obvious he’s secretly aching to be dominated by our saucy French friend.

  9. @107, you’re high if you think Parisian sushi can compare with the best of America’s. You lot can do some things very well but foreign cuisines isn’t really one of them. And Paris isn’t even the food capital of France; Lyon is. Even there, though, the horror of the prepackaged frozen bag in the microwave has spread to restaurants all over your country. Wine maven Kermit Lynch recently traveled all across Provence — Provence! — without seeing a single chef in any of the restaurants he visited, only the sound of the bell when the reheating is finished.

    In general, America has more good restaurants than France these days. French cooking is tired and tradition-bound, and the hunger for the freshest possible local ingredients, which is booming in the US, is fading from France — except, ironically, from the young soul rebels who’ve been to the US, seen what is possible there, and returned home.

    Movies, I’ll grant you. And wine. French wine still absolutely rules, and the gap isn’t closing at all.

  10. @Simac : There are way too much mistakes on this website. It must have been translated by some Google robot. And it just proves that there are some French people that love disgusting food.

    @Karlheinz Arschbomber : Please, do not consider that Le Petit Nicolas represents French culture. The trailer was so boring I didn’t go to the theater to see it.

    @Heather : I’ve never seen a Good Morning Toast. But there are some American restaurants that make breakfast, though.

    @mmoffatt : Really? Maybe you haven’t visited the twenty arrondissements of Paris. We have plenty of restaurants from every corner of the world. And the grocery store I visited was not in the suburbs.

    @Peter F : “Et mon cul, c’est du poulet ?” means that my asshole is a chicken if this bread is French. Your pal was not wrong.

    @Lenina : This is just the beginning. In France, we have a proverb that says : “Le meilleur pour la fin”.

    @Troll cop : Well, I’m glad to see that I’m able to pretend I’m a “shitty American writer with a JC education”.

    @Hernandez : Yeah, I know. But I wanted to have fun too and facts-journalists may not be as enjoyable as here.

    @fastenyourseatbelts : For sure, we use some powdered stuff, too. But our Knorr soups will never mix potatoes AND cheese. Or cheese AND brocoli. Or… How can you make a soup with cheese anyway ? That’s the weird part of it. And indeed, we spread butter and jam on toast. But in fact, it’s not a toast : it’s a biscotte and it’s supposed to be cold. Merci du compliment, en tout cas.

    @Fnarf : Sure, we have Lorie but now, she’s kind of retired. And still, she was an accident : no one wanted to produce her, so she performed online and figured it out. We have tabloids magazines too, indeed. And when they do their cover with some Justin Bieber exlusive breaking news, I throw up the same way. However, I cannot believe your Kermit-Lynch-Provence-bell-trip. There’s no way for a gastronomic restaurant to have a microwave.

  12. I was completely unimpressed with the food in the restaurants and supermarkets in Paris. And we did not stay nor shop in the touristy areas. It was disappointing after spending a week in Madrid and eating some of the best food I have ever tasted, all from local (non high end) places. Mmmm ham…..

  14. 107 — …”that American culture” that saved your ass TWICE.

    Feel free to sit there looking arrogant, smoking your cancer as the rest of Western Europe kicks your sorry ass in every other department (economics, Michelin Stars, Eurovision titles)….

    Enjoy your strikes, your cigarettes and your “other” sites to see. BTW, the Picasso Museum sucks ass. The Ludwig Museum in Cologne has a waaaay better Picasso collection.

  18. Like British cuisine, traditional American food is slop. Makes me glad that I have authentic (and inexpensive) Thai, Vietnamese, Korean, Ethiopian, Chinese, Cuban, Indian, Persian, Mexican, Oaxacan, Guatemalan, Greek, Russian, Japanese and Indonesian restaurants within a two mile radius. (For some reason I’ve never come across truly authentic Italian food in the US)

    I feel sorry for my Continental cousins, who have a hard time getting anything similar. Kinda reminds one of traveling through most of the US.

    The closest I came to authentic ethnic food in Europe was a Vietnamese restaurant in Marseilles. For the most part, French food and bistros/restaurants in France are meh, unless you simply want to sit and drink wine and suck up cigarette smoke. As for me, I hate wine and cigarette smoke gives me a headache. Food from nearly anywhere else in the world is better.

  20. So close to knocking Dan out of the top spot on most commented, and on a first post, no less. I predict either a promotion or a Savage-ordered hit job within a week.

  21. Julien, your post is precious! “…to make some shopping.” =)

    Aside from the preserves and the pineapple, I’d never purchase or consume any of the food products you photographed.

  26. @126 You honour us with your comment, it is one of my favourite diversions to notice the way US and British/Canadian English spelling differs. In fact, one could say it colours the whole discourse.

  28. 101 – I am aware of La Pen and the supposed threat of his faction to the establishment there. If I remember correctly, he also said some bad things about the Holocaust awhile ago. So between 2002 and 2007 his popular support dropped by nearly 7% ?

    And I share your unease over support of nativist groups. I was talking generally about support for organized labor in France. I know, making a broad comparison to the US not so good on my part.

  29. christ almighty … you guys are acting like the testy, humourless vegans you were making fun of a day ago. cognitive dissonance anyone?

  30. @120 – I am British, yes, most of our traditional food is crap, um…where exactly could you never ever find decent ethnic cuisine? Five years ago you’d have had trouble, but it’s not too hard to come by now. Not gourmet and not exactly authentic, but not *terrible*.

    I love how this thread has turned into a massive battle of which country has the best restaurants. As a general rule of thumb, in most countries, regardless of what style you’re eating, you get what you pay for. I’m a student, so when I eat out it tends to be mediocre, which is why I learned to cook.

  31. Julien, your stereotype of Americans doesn’t account for Seattle.

    Here, we drive our Prius to Whole Foods where we spend the equivalent of a French civil servant’s salary on precious, locally produced organic foods and imports so exotic you can’t even find them in their countries of origin. Then we joke that Whole Foods should be called “whole paycheck” while failing to mention that we don’t actually draw a paycheck anymore, having already made our millions in the tech industry.

  36. @Will in Seattle: Mort de Rire. I was in a mean and nasty mood so I didn’t want her to understand right away what I meant. Maybe you’ll understand better if I write the English version of it: LOL. *clin d’œil*

  38. Moi, je connais très bien les supermarchés européens et je sais qu’on peut trouver ces boites…. Il s’amusait avec les choix disponibles!
    De toute façon…J’aimerais bien que Julien vienne à mon lycée pour nous parler des différences entre les supermarchés! Qu’en pensez-vous, Monsieur? Mes élèves sont hyper motivés et ils ADORENT quand quelqu’un d’un pays francophone nous rend visite…
    Je vous laisse réfléchir, mais j’espère que vous accepterez notre invitation!
    MERCI BIEN!

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    Ananas Coupe Dessert au jus d’ananas
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    La boite de 340g égouttés
    5,59 € / Kg

    Lasagnes à la bolognaise
    Informations
    Rapide et gourmand, ce plat saura vous ravir en 2mn.
    Conseils d’utilisation
    Au four à micro-ondes: Percez le film plastique du compartiment plusieurs fois.
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    Agitez doucement et retirez le film plastique à l’aide de la languette.
    An bain-marie: plongez la barquette dans une casserole d’eau frémissante pendant 8 minutes environ (ne pas retirer ni percer le film plastique).
    Passez la barquette sous l’eau froide, agitez doucement et retirez le film plastique à l’aide de la languette.

  40. Dude, I’ve been living and working in France for almost two years now and while I may be from Canada and not the US, I can say that a lot of what you just wrote is total BS.

    The fruit moisturizing system? They have it at the Attac in Salins-les-Bains, a dinky town of less than 3000 people. And I’ve seen it at Monoprix in Paris and elsewhere as well.

    I have had seriously shitty baguettes across France, as well as shitty patisseries. French bakery doesn’t automatically equal good bakery I’m sorry to say.

    Pineapple packs? I’ve seen those and many other fruits in syrup, either in sizes like that or in bulk.

    There is just as much shitty, pre-packaged garbage in France as there is in North America. A far more interesting article would have made note of how different cultural staples can be found canned and ready-made. I still marvel at seeing canned cassoulet, or ratatouille in a jar. Normal for France, but at home it might be split pea soup or tourtiere.

    And as for your orgasmic breakfast fantasy? When our tour found itself located near a rooter, there was no idyllic breakfast, but plots of coq-au-vin for dinner. I fail to see how a trip to the grocery store could ever compare to a holiday breakfast in the countryside, regardless of the country. You’re comparing apples and oranges.

    If you’re going to bitch about anything, bitch about the quality and the cost of cheese. Or will that be another post?

  41. wow so petty and provincial.

    France is wondeful, couldn’t have beaten cornwallis without them….

    our food is gross. theirs is way better. No doubt.

    and btw who has six weeks paid vacation, payments to parents for having children, national health care and great public transit, mmmmmmmmmmmm?

    they’re entitled to be a bit snobby.

  42. And I have a can of Kiwi-flavored Pringles from China in my house. What’s your point? (no, I have not been brave enough to try them)

    Try a farmer’s market. You’ll be more at home and find a larger number of people there than the grocery store, if Seattle is anything like DC.

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