Location: Downtown, inside Pacific Place.

Description: An impossibly vast franchise restaurant,
brimming with big-budget decor, schmaltzy music, and aging
professionals.

Redeeming attributes: Free appetizers during happy hour!

What else is free: The best things in life (e.g., moonbeams,
whiskery grandmothers, obese squirrels, and deep-set panty lines).

Happy hours: Mon–Fri 4:30–6:30 pm.

Happy-hour drink specials: $4 glasses of select wine, $3.50
drafts (including Moretti and Sierra Nevada).

Complimentary happy-hour food specials: Buffalo wings,
delightfully crispy pizza, and a rotating assortment of chef’s-choice
treats (pasta, bruschetta, more).

Amount of guilt one should feel about mercilessly plundering the
Il Fornaio food offerings
: None.

Il Fornaio

600 Pine St, #132, 264-0994.

Marti Jonjak—The Stranger’s fashion columnist—has a technical degree in apparel design and works in the garment industry. Her treasured casual-wear aesthetic is both glamorous and trashy, suggesting...