This very ungrammatical letter of complaint about Virgin Airlines, addressed to Richard Branson directly, is making the rounds, with seven photo accompaniments. This is near the very beginning:

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I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they.

It goes on from there, including the great line “Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the grueling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this.” I am totally willing to forgive this guy’s poor writing skills because this letter is hilarious.

10 replies on “The Virgin Surgeon”

  1. Branson is the guy who suggested that John Lydon form a band with Devo, so appealing to his sense of observational power is a lost cause.

  6. Complete faux pas to serve desert with tomato on an aeroplane. Everyone knows it requires a sagebrush chiffonade accented with fleur de sel.

  7. i agree, zach. it’s british, and sort of a spoken tone, but it’s no nonsensical or anything. try reading it with a british/indian accent, paul! it’s fun.

  9. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing.

    wow, i’ve completely lost the will to commit suicide tonight because of this letter. The ferry will have to wait.

    Hire this person! Dump Savage and Hump, and hire this brilliant, life saving human being.

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