Credit: Oddfellows

Originally posted at 10:55 a.m., moved up because I can do whatever I want.

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: In light of some top notch crowd-sourced criticism here on slog, Oddfellows is shitcanning the Frost Reviver #1 and either replacing it with Frost Reviver #2 or the disturbingly named Corpse River #2, depending on which part of this updated press release from Oddfellows you’re reading: “Unfortunately, we were misguided in choosing to use Branca Menta for our Frost Reviver #1. We tried to be bold, but the people told us what they wanted, and let me tell you, it was not Branca Menta. In light of this, we have decided to try again. The Corpse River #2 is a delicious, more classic, adult hot chocolate with Dr. McGillicuddy’s Mentholmint Schnapps.”

Original post below, complete with revised chocolate info.

Moments after receiving an email from the local weather psychics predicting snow this weekend, I get this press release from Oddfellows offering not one but three types of hot chocolate:

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  • Oddfellows

To celebrate Cal Anderson Skating Rink, Oddfellows Cafe + Bar will be serving three varieties of hot chocolate this winter:

Classic Hot Chocolate—Guittard chocolate and warm milk, why mess with a classic?

Mexican Style—Our secret spice mix with Guittard chocolate syrup, this cocoa has just enough heat to keep you warm all winter!

Frost Reviver #1—Our classic hot chocolate, a little grown up with Branca Menta, a mint liquor.

Frost Reviver #2—Our classic hot chocolate, a little grown up with Dr.McGillicuddy’s Mentholmint Schnapps.

To make our hot chocolates extra special, we will be topping all three varieties with our very own house made marshmallows!

Sweet giddy God, all I’m getting for Christmas this year is diabetes.

Former Stranger news writer Cienna Madrid has been a writer in residence for Richard Hugo House, a local literary nonprofit. There, she taught fiction classes and wrote 4/5 of a book about a death-row...

35 replies on “Today in Effective Press Releases: Hot Chocolate Edition”

  1. Branca menta is disgusting with hot chocolate. It’s no crème de menthe. You may as well mix jaegermeister, salt and toothpaste in. Whoever came up with Frost Reviver #1 should be pushed down a spiral staircase into a barrel of vinegar and buried at sea.

  2. @5, I’m going to have to agree with you here. Branca Menta isn’t just mint, it’s the whole Fernet Branca experience with mint added. Fernet Branca is like Jagermeister cubed — nine times bitterer and herbalier. I absolutely love the stuff, but add mint and you have a flavor I would describe as “sick bag”.

  3. @6 – I love both fernet & branca menta, but mixed with sparkling water. It mixes with milk about as well as orange juice does. Jaegermeister is okey for kids but anyone over the age of 17 who prefers it to fernet needs to get a palate transplant, stat. Give me my booze bitter & complex and my sugar from a patisserie, please.

  4. Those sound yummy!

    I have to admit, I broke out the ‘augmented’ hot chocolate this very weekend, sort of a test-run as it were… A semi-sweet cup of chocolate, piping hot, topped up with Frangelico, hold the marshmallows…

    I AM READY FOR SNOW.

  5. Most drinks I’ve had at Oddfellows were sickly sweet with an odd combination of flavors almost rivaling this Branca Menta madness. Oddfellows fails more often than it succeeds. At everything.

  6. Dearest Sloggers,
    Okay, we get it. Branca Menta + Hot Chocolate = Terrible Idea. We are going to revise the Frost Reviver #1 asap, thank you for drawing attention to this near liquid mishap. New press release will be out this afternoon with a Frost Reviver # 2 that you will all hopefully approve of!
    Thank you for caring,
    Oddfellows Cafe + Bar

  7. i’m not generally a huge fan of hot chocolate (i don’t like drinking sweet things), and my SAD was so bad last year that the mere notion of snow makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry for the next 5 months. but for some reason, that photo of the hot chocolate with the giant square of homemade marshmallow on top has been making me feel all warm and cozy all day. i might, just maybe, get thru the winter after all.

  8. The last line of this post made me laugh out loud. Am co-opting it as my Christmas motto. You know, if a Christmas motto was something I actually had…

  9. I’m terrified at the idea that a company would actually change their business offerings because of something I said here on Slog! Power: do not want.

    “Corpse River” is bizarre; there are hundreds of drinks named “Corpse Reviver” (i.e., hangover remedies) but a river, I dunno, that’s a new one.

    Will, I have something that might be right up your alley.

  10. @13, I just got a bottle of Drambuie the other day, I’m going to try it. I’m not a fan of hot chocolate either, or wasn’t until I had a cup of the Mexican style in Mexico. Oh, my god.

  11. Corpse River?! I am envisioning a chocolate river full of bloated corpses floating amongst the marshmallows. What kind of demented Willie Wonka name is that?

  12. @ AmyC

    Vianne de l’épicé chocolat chaud
    Serves 2

    1 2/3 cups milk
    1/2 vanilla bean, cut in half lengthwise
    1/2 cinnamon stick
    1 hot red chile, halved and seeded
    3 1/2 ounces bittersweet (70 percent) chocolate, grated
    Brown sugar to taste (optional)

    To a saucepan, add the milk, vanilla bean, cinnamon stick, and chile, and gently bring it to a shivering simmer for 1 minute. Add the grated chocolate and whisk until melted. Add the brown sugar if you wish. Take off the heat and allow to infuse for 10 minutes, then remove the vanilla bean, cinnamon, and chile. Return the heat and bring gently back to a simmer. And serve.

    Around here, provided you aren’t either of the little kim in portland, you can add cognac, Amaretto, Drambuie, rum… Along with whipped cream or marshmallows. We consider it a seasonal must have.

    I hope it helps.

    Recipe from Joanne Harris’ “My French Kitchen”

  13. @18 – Drambuie is my sovereign remedy for a persistent cough. Add it to lemon tea, and even if you’re still coughing, you won’t much care. It’s quite sweet, but it’s the only liqueur I can actually stand (I’m not a fan of sweet + liquor, generally).

  14. I love that they released a menu of things that sounded good but they hadn’t actually tasted yet. Subject to revision, indeed. Still, a good press release strikes while the press release that inspired it is still what passes for fresh in our minds.

  15. @23, have you tried B&B for the same purpose? You can’t get just Benedictine in this state anymore, but the “& brandy” version is pretty damn good. Also for sore throat: Chartreuse.

    @24, I will have to try it. I’ve never even heard of it, but then there are hundreds of the things (see the awe-inspiring second and third photos here. I am nuts for any and every amaro or other weird herbal concoction I can get my hands on. Have you ever tried Zwack? Great name. It’s Hungarian. Cynar, made from artichokes, is fantastic.

    This is one category of booze that the WSLCB really falls down on. Many of them are vile; not because they’re too strong or too bitter but because they get the gentian-to-sugar balance wrong. I lean more towards the syrupy stuff with a bitter kick than the watery ones. Gran Classico is tolerable. The holy grail is Suze, which is no longer imported into the US and which I am still working on persuading Mrs. Fnarf that a special trip to Montreal just for the purpose of acquiring is not a crazy idea.

  16. @27, you were right the first time. You know animal gelatin is in marshmallows, right? Oddfellows, since you’re listening, I request vegetarian marshmallows for my hot chocolate.

    @ Fnarf, ever had Grappa Miel? It’s big in Uruguay/Argentina, where I first was turned on to Fernet Branca (and turned off from Branca Menta). Grappa Miel is amazing stuff but I’ve yet to find it here.

  17. But the corpse reviver #2 is a drink that’s been around forever: gin, lemon, cointreau, Lillet, absinthe. Sun Liquor, Cannon, or even the Tin Table will make you one.

  18. @5 could you mix me up that jaegermeister, salt and toothpaste concoction? That sounds wonderfully bracing. I think Toms of Maine might be adding a new flavor to the grocery store isles.

  19. @30, is it anything like Baerenjaeger? Miel is honey, right? Baerenjaeger is one of only two liquors I’ve ever poured down the sink; just awful. Too sweet by a factor of about 400. The other was Advocaat, an absolutely vomitous Dutch egg yolk liqueur, sort of like a much thicker, sweeter eggnog, but much, much yolkier. I tried, I really tried, but no.

  20. @34 it’s grappa, (brandy made from grape skins, 35%-60% alcohol) with a bit of honey. Way less sweet than you’d think, and easily drinkable despite the booziness. Advocate sounds like hell on earth.

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