Amy Steed, mother of loyal Slog reader Emily Steed, was recently in London and brought her daughter two bags of this:

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aae8/1242929579-contestz.jpgSteed mère packed the bags in a shoebox (to preserve the chips’ structural integrity) and carried them from London to Naples to Rome to Atlanta to Seattle. Steed fille—generously? cruelly?—offered to give me one of her bags.

Apparently, Walkers Cajun Squirrel Flavour Potato Crisps is part of some contest. Six citizens of Britannia came up with six flavors—onion bhaji, builder’s breakfast (“on time, on budget from Emma in Belper!”), chili and chocolate—but only one can stay.

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Martyn in Hednesford (pop. 17,000, best known for producing soccer players and a race car driver ) invented the Cajun squirrel flavor. The recipe contains: milk lactose, salt, sugar, flavourings, dried onion, dried garlic, dried lemon juice, cardamon, ginger, coriander, chili, cumin, oregano, thyme, allspice, parsley, colour (paprika extract).

That plus potato and sunflower oil allegedly tastes like squirrel.

What they actually taste like is this:

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Kind of smoky, kind of barbecue-y, kind of get-this-taste-out-of-my-mouth-right-now-please.

I’d feel bad for dissing Martyn of Hednesford’s squirrel-flavored chips… except it turns out that Martyn of Hednesford is a big fucking fraud.

Turns out Martyn of Hednesford has NEVER EVEN EATEN A SQUIRREL. From an investigative report by the Birmingham Mail:

Marketing executive Martyn, from Hednesford, near Tamworth, said he hit upon the idea of the squirrel flavour after seeing it on the menu of upmarket eateries.

“I wanted something unique,” he said.

“The gentle Cajun flavouring will be delicious and although the idea might sound bizarre, it really works.

“I’ve seen squirrel on restaurant menus and on cookery shows but had never tried it myself.

“I thought it would be a popular flavour as people would be intrigued to try it.

“No squirrels were harmed in the making of these crisps.”

Anyway, it hardly matters anymore.

Builder’s Breakfast won the contest.

In your FACE, Martyn of Hednesford!

Thanks to the Steeds, Walkers, a shock-proofed shoebox, and the deep eccentricity of English people for this edition of What’s for Breakfast.

Brend an Kiley has worked as a child actor in New Orleans, as a member of the junior press corps at the 1988 Republican National Convention, and, for one happy April, as a bootlegger’s assistant in Nicaragua....

21 replies on “What’s for Breakfast: Walkers Cajun Squirrel Flavour Potato Crisps”

  3. What @1 said, except for the gray part. You’re kind of smoking hot now. Did somebody say something about squirrels, or something? Sorry, I was distracted.

  7. if you put a date with brendan kiley up as a strangercrombie auction item, i garontee the bidding would go through the roof.

  11. I’ve ha Builders Breakfast. It sort of tastes like the belch’s you have for the rest of the day if you have a Sizzling Bacon flavor Pot Noodle for lunch.

  20. Some friends of ours went on vacation in Ireland and brought back a bag of each flavor for all us to try one night at a party. Onion Bhaji was really good, Chili and Chocolate was alright and Crispy Duck and Hoisin was tolerable. However, Fish and Chips was horrid, Cajun Squirrel was bad and Builder’s Breakfast tasted like sulfur-y eggs with ketchup. I still can’t believe it won the contest.

  21. Having tried said flavor (Cajun Squirrel), I can say that it tastes like a used pizza box – the kind saturated with oils from the pizza. Not good.

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