Oh joy, a new website from the The Stranger brats. What a contribution to society. What an absolute thrill. Has anyone alerted the Mayor? Does the President know? The Governor?
I give it a week before the four or five bozos left running the place fill the homepage with mild homosexual pornography and rank prose about “Gen Z.”
A news website! Feh. In my day you could pick up the news with your own two hands and shake it like a crying baby. And when you were done with it, you could wrap flowers or fish — something useful!
“Ohhhh, but look at the new clean lines,” they say. “Look at the way they’ve integrated everything you loved from the print paper into this new digital format,” they say. “Behold the more user-friendly experience,” they say.
Bah, useless! A man can’t sleep rough on a pile of pixels! Can’t wipe his ass in a pinch with a “better user experience!” I thought this was a newspaper and not a “digital news and culture outlet,” god damn it! Gah, the pandemic took so much.
Anyhow, congratulations to The Stranger for almost successfully creating a knock-off WordPress site from scratch. How long did it take, boys? A day? Two days? A long weekend? Excellent work all around. Have fun “sharing” all the “content” with the horny catfishers on TIkTok, or whatever degenerate platform you migrate to next, whatever any of that means.
Now piss off, and make sure to tell Katie to put my check in the mail. I didn’t come back from the dead to write a web review for nothing.
Signed,
A. Birch Steen, Stranger Public Editor and OSHA Board of Governors Member (Deceased)