STEVEN WEISSMAN

To the neighbor who passive-aggressively fucked with my laundry: Girl, I was there when your dryer stopped. I was fishing my wet clothes out of the washer, your cycle ended, and I thought I'd give you a grace period to collect your stuff. When I went back, your load was still there. It was after 11 p.m. and I needed to wrap this chore up, so I placed your laundry on top of the washer. When I went down 50 minutes later to retrieve my dry clothes, I found the door ajar and the clothes were as wet as when they started. The fact that my expediency offended you enough to stop my dry cycle, I forgive. Even if it meant I had to pay another buck fifty, start the cycle all over again at midnight, and stay up an hour later to avoid being the douche with their laundry in the dryer too long. I used the time wisely and had a furious, hour-long jerk-off session while I waited. So thanks for that! But next time, chill the fuck out! It's just laundry. recommended



To submit an unsigned confession or accusation, send an e-mail to ianonymous@thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty.