Stop giving plants as gifts. Especially if they were not asked for! I am not a plant person. I can barely keep the walking sack of bones I inhabit hydrated enough to survive. Yet, friends and colleagues routinely give me plants to murder. Happy birthday, here’s a green burden to care for!
My crimes against vegetation include: succulents (plants that famously thrive on neglect, respect) will be ambitiously overwatered, killed and discarded. Peace Lily, more like peace out. RIP. Orchids, why does anyone give this snowflake of a plant to someone they like?! You just look at an orchid funny and it unalives itself.
I did not ask to be the harbinger of death to these living things. So don’t assume everyone is part of the ‘I heart plants’ cult and just give me a bottle of booze instead. I need the hydration.
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