To the Tesla drivers who think you are free from sin because you have an “I bought this before we knew Elon was crazy” bumper sticker: I have a special feeling of hatred towards you.

You wake up every morning, knowing full well that you are essentially a moving advertisement for modern fascism, and you think a fucking bumper sticker means you get off scot-free? No. You are announcing to the world that you have no backbone.

You actually want to feel better about your misguided car purchase? How about you sell your car and buy a used Nissan Leaf if you claim to care about the environment? Better yet, you could organize and advocate for greater access to public transportation. You could sell your mobile Nazi flag and pay for the gender-affirming surgery of a trans person. You could convert it into a home for stray cats. There are so many other things you could do, bedsides stick a pathetic $7 bumper sticker from Amazon on your overpriced piece of garbage. Until then, get the fuck out of my face.

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12 replies on “My Kink Is Car-ma”

  1. So childish to take out your rage on out on inanimate objects. Their drivers are your liberal friend and neighbors and probably some you’ve had sex with. Not practical for trading in Teslas, so give a polite wave when you see them and strive to be magnanimous.

  2. Part of being a Progressive in good standing is keeping up with the daily rule changes. Yes, when you paid too much for that car, you thought you were Saving the Planet™, but new instructions have been issued. Sorry if that means you eat a $50,000 – $100,000 loss, but anonymous scolds on the internet have spoken. Compliance is mandatory.

  6. I feel sorry for people who bought a Tesla, thinking it was a good car, and are now stuck with a novelty with bad connotations, especially if they financed it and are now underwater. Even if they ditch Elon, the Tesla company has some serious issues.

  7. I’ve driven a Tesla, back when they had a showroom in SLU. It was fun, but I wasn’t going to pay six figures (in 2010 dollars!), for a show-off automotive phallus-substitute — even one which really could go zero to sixty in a few seconds, whilst never ever requiring petroleum products (or even a tune-up).

  8. Selling a Tesla won’t take them off the roads, so what’s the point? My dad drives a really old one he bought used ages ago. None of his money went into the pockets of the un-elected Übersturmgrüppenfuhrer. Anyone who buys Amazon rides Uber or uses any of the popular social media platforms is honestly more guilty of collaboration than the driver of a used Tesla.

  9. What is this, stealth marketing for Tesla? Elon’s paying you to try and persuade some MAGAts that “no, seriously, buying Elon’s cars is an awesome way to troll the left and drink some sweet, sweet liberal tears” – but your bulletpoint sheet made very clear that you can’t mention any of his same-level competitors, so no mention of what Kia, Hyundai, Ford, Chevrolet, or BMW are doing – just the Nissan Leaf?

    Get effed. Drive a Tesla if you like the car, or if you really just want to slob Elon’s knob in your vehicle choice (not that you could afford it on whatever pittance Elon’s marketing team is paying you for this). But don’t expect us to play along in your weird persecution fetish roleplay. We. Don’t. Care.

  10. You come off as more pretentious that any Tesla owners I have met. In fact, a few are immigrants who got a Tesla because they work as Uber drivers and it cuts down gas expenses long term as well as incentivized by the company. Know some facts first and think about your actions and whether it is really “progressing” humankind before you jump in the next “Gaza” bandwagon. Dipsharts.

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