I drive a Geo Tracker, a car that resembles a squished Jeep or a Hot Wheel magically enlarged. Men–mostly named Kyle and Matt–tuck handwritten notes under the windshield wipers asking if I want to sell. I do not want to sell. Why would I? This car reaches blistering speeds of 95 miles per hour.
She ran great until she didn’t. The engine began shrieking to life when temperatures dropped below 50 degrees. I had to crawl over the passenger seat every time I drove because the driver’s side lock broke in an ice storm. A rain leak molded the carpet so severely I’m convinced new antibiotics could have been discovered. I cut out the carpet with a utility knife and decided the bare metal floor looked cool and industrial, or something. The final straw came when a coolant leak spewed onto the engine and evaporated into hot, sweet-smelling white clouds. The failure coincided with a pricey medical bill, temporarily beaching my car on the street.
That’s when a neighborhood busybody first reported my car abandoned. In Seattle, any car that has not been moved for 72 hours can be reported and ordered to move to another block. Then the parking cops come, they chalk the tire, and they slap a red label on the windshield. It’s more than annoying.
Despite fixing my car, the reports are still happening. My tires are lousy with yellow cop chalk. I think it’s because a neighbor just hates the look of my car, or maybe they think I’m parked in what should be their spot on the street.
I don’t drive daily, and if I do, I try for a spot in front of my place like everyone else on this block–and yet I don’t see chalk on their tires. I even informed the last officer I caught slapping a sticky red label on my windshield that the car did in fact have an owner–me. The officer said he had no choice but to answer the complaints, allowing for this weird campaign to continue. My ugly, sweet ride is not long for this world. Whoever you are, can you let her die in peace?
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I rarely see parking enforcement anymore. I’m guessing this person’s neighbor has some yellow chalk.
I have a car like that parked in front of my house (not mine). Move it every once-in-while and you’re good. In theory that interval is three days, but in practice it takes a week or two, and if you move every ten days you should be able to avoid the red labels. At least in my neighborhood.
Yeah, move the car every two days. I would also call on the other stationary cars in the neighborhood – just to be petty.
hmmm
perhaps
you might
(move & then)
Report your sad
Tracker frequently
till they get Sick of
‘investigating’ a non-
violation. some peeps
just have very High Ex-
pectations for their neigh-
borhoods &’re Disappointed
they hafta Live where it ain’t even
Perfect.
it’s quite
sad actually.
but that’s okay:
end-stage Capitalism
& Private Equity’re coming
for Them too tho it may Take
a little Longer.
I recently called parking enforcement (SPD non-emergency) in the U District on a geo tracker. It was parked in front of a driveway blocking access. So maybe it’s not the car, but how it gets parked.
Wow – stellar I,A. Fun writing and a significant issue that is somehow also petty at the same time (pettiness from the nameless neighbor or whoever is doing the reporting).
Really good stuff: A+
@6
ah yes those
communistic socialists
of the third reich — like in
Sweden or any one of those
Hell-Hole Scandahoovian countries
where people are
Chained to their Jobs thru
a severe Lack of Healthcare
Ready to Bankrupt your Ass
OUT into the Street where you
Actually BELONG, LOSER. oh wait –
they Don’t
DO IT Like That:
they’re Fucking Civilized.
housing as commodity
has Failed the American
Dream turned it into Utopia
for ‘Private Equity’ but you don’t
worry too Much about them, right?
it’s All
about the
FREEDOM!
LOOK O U T!
I Think I See
a SOCIALIST
behind that
tree over
there
You might rethink not calling Kyle or Matt.
Time to send the GEO to that Great Parking Lot in the Sky.
@10
wot?