Dina Martina's voice sounds like a cat having an epileptic fit on a chalkboard; her body moves like two pigs fighting their way out of a sleeping bag. David Belisle

APRIL Séance

BOOKS Wed March 25, Sorrento Hotel (900 Madison St)

Séance you say? Inside of the lavish and most-likely-haunted Sorrento Hotel? Sounds like an event I wouldn't not want to be stoned for. Rebecca Brown, Joshua Beckman, and Jan Wallace are your hosts, aiming to summon the spirit of Alice B. Toklas (aka Gertrude Stein's girlfriend) with readings, music, and (regular) brownies.

Nearby snack: Fuck it. Enjoy the Dirty Dancing McDonald's (1122 Madison St)—have you SEEN that fierce font?—while you can! It is slated to become a c-word in a few years, and those two-for-a-buck apple pies aren't going to dip themselves in a McFlurry.


Marilyn Manson

MUSIC Thurs March 26, Showbox at the Market (1426 First Ave)

YES. If you don't believe me, please refer to this article. The fact that smoking weed and dressing like a freak go hand in hand with teenage feelings is obvious, but the real plus side here is that Marilyn Manson fans may now enjoy the pale emperor in the version of the Showbox that is not an actual cement box (sorry Sodo, we both know it's true).

Nearby Snack: Stop by Cupcake Royale (108 Pine St) and ask for the DARKEST CHOCOLATE cupcakes available with the BLACKEST COFFEE. Or at least see if the barista can do some kind of pentagram/Cross of Lorraine latte art.


Dina Martina

THEATER Through April 26, Re-bar (1114 Howell St)

If you enjoy laughing, I cannot recommend Dina Martina enough. I'll sum it up with Krishanu Ray's sum-up of a sum-up (whoa): "We've run out of adjectives to describe the glorious misshapen magic of a Dina show, so let's revisit one of The Stranger's original descriptions, from way back in 1998: 'The primary fact that one must understand about Dina Martina—beyond her stature as a superstar entertainer without peer—is that she is in possession of not one shred of discernible talent or grace. Her voice sounds like a cat having an epileptic fit on a chalkboard, her body moves like two pigs fighting their way out of a sleeping bag, and her face looks like the collision of a Maybelline truck with a Shoney's buffet.'"

Nearby snack: Grab a bowl of pho at Pho Bac right around the corner (1809 Minor Ave), before the spring weather gets too hot out there. HA-HA-HA.


King-Snohomish County Regional Spelling Bee

SPORTS Sun March 29, Town Hall (1119 Eighth Ave)

Aw, spelling is sort of a lost art, isn't it? There's something comforting about the fact that there are 70 middle-schoolers still out there willing to spell, in front of people, without the red-squiggly-line safety net. As long as you are not the one trying to figure out whether linoleum has more than one i in it, this good old-fashioned spelling bee sounds like great fun to take in.

Nearby snack: I wonder if Han's Deli & Grocery (801 Seneca St) sells cans of Dr. Pepper. Doesn't that sound good right now?


Plate of Nations

FOOD March 27–April 12, various locations in South Seattle

For two weeks, 12 independently owned eateries in Rainier Valley are offering shareable plates of authentic, delicious foods from all over the world (Ethiopian, Middle Eastern, Eritrean, Laotian, Thai, Vietnamese, Somali, and more) in the very chill $15–$25 price range.

Don't forget to fill out your Plate of Nations passport as you make your way through them all (I believe in you): Bananas Grill, Cafe Ibex, Foo Lam, Huarachitos, Huong Duong, Othello Wok Teriyaki, Joy Palace, Rainier Restaurant, Thai Savon, the Original Philly's, Olympic Express, and Momona. recommended