The Sword Rule—They’re the Perfect
Opening Act for Metallica
by Jeff Kirby
It’s sometimes hard to remember—between the decade-plus string
of terrible records, the life-size bronze statue of Lars Ulrich in the
RIAA lobby, and the documentary spotlighting them as bratty, playboy
crybabies—but Metallica used to be awesome. At some point not too
long ago, they decided to start playing metal again, and it was their
first good decision in years. Though it has serious flaws, Death
Magnetic is the best record the band have put out since the
’80s.
Another good decision: The band heard the Sword and decided to bring
them on tour around the world.
“Evidently we’re Lars Ulrich’s favorite band,” says Sword frontman
J. D. Cronise.
And rightly so. I’ve said it before: I want the Sword to rule the
metal world. And even though it’s harder to admit now that it actually
costs $80 to see them play in a basketball stadium, I still want this.
Which is why opening for Metallica is the perfect gig for the Sword: No
matter how much Metallica declined over the years, their crowds never
dwindled (apparently they don’t need us critics to fill stadiums), and
Metallica fans should be Sword fans.
There’s no secret behind the Sword’s songwriting formula: Take
triumphant riffs; combine with a galloping drumbeat; add vocals about
epic battles and ogres; and play it fast, loud, and precise. It’s
pretty well-worn territory (some metalheads actually get butt-hurt
because the Sword sound too much like other stuff they like), but the
Sword stand out by taking the best aspects of so many great bands and
combining them in a way that’s streamlined, cohesive, and ultimately
original. They’re like a living, hair-twirling, heavy-metal highlight
reel. And the result of their tradition-steeped sound is that they are
getting incredibly, deservedly popular.
But will associating with what remains of Metallica tarnish the
Sword?
Cronise is not afraid: “There were absolutely no second thoughts
about touring with Metallica. Are you kidding? It’s fucking
Metallica.”
Nor is he worried that increasing fame will poison the young band:
“The Sword will continue to produce the work that it is meant to.
Whether or not it’s influenced by outside forces is ultimately
irrelevant. I don’t predict the future, but things will happen as they
are meant to.”
Indeed, the Sword are a band that metalheads across the world would
rejoice in if given the chance—their thunderous sound reminds us
why we liked the first few Metallica records so much in the first
place. Cronise says that so far the band have been received “very well.
Metallica fans generally like well-played, well-written heavy-metal
songs.”
The Sword Suck—They’re the Perfect
Opening Act for Metallica
by Shane Mehling
Maybe two years ago, a couple friends met me at a bar after seeing
the Sword play some local joint. “More like the Butterknife,” quipped
my drunk and getting drunker friend. That may not be the most erudite criticism of the Austin
band, but I can’t disagree with the sentiment.
To criticize the Sword is to wade into the murky bong-water depths
of debate about what is “true” and “false” stoner/doom metal. This kind
of parsing can seem elitist and pedantic, but it’s not without its
merits. It’s not fair to criticize a band solely for their popularity,
but it is necessary to slam an awful band that has ridden to acclaim on
the backs of dozens of superior, under-appreciated musicians.
After only two records, the Sword have gained a massive mainstream
fan base by shamelessly cribbing High on Fire, Sleep, Kyuss, Orange
Goblin, Pentagram, Electric Wizard, Saint Vitus, Acid King—I
could go on. For a while. Nothing in their half-assed pastiche
resembles an original thought or riff. There has been a near-constant
output of stoner/doom metal for the last 40 years, but aside from genre
godfathers Black Sabbath, the Sword are singular in their popularity.
Why?
The band are a caricature of metal. Remember that movie The
Gate where Stephen Dorff listens to satanic band Sacrifyx and then
conjures really bad special effects from a hole in his backyard (which
he then banishes with a Bible)? Whatever studio head dreamed up
Sacrifyx may have been behind the inception of the Sword, a
family-friendly foray into a previously unexploited niche. Seriously,
when your label-
mates are the kind of indie-rock bands that tour
with Hot Hot Heat, it’s hard to believe metal is your first
priority.
Also, the canard that the Sword will introduce kids to other, better
stoner bands is ridiculous. You don’t have to mail away for a band’s
demo or loot your brother’s CD tower anymore—just Google “stoner
metal,” and you’ll be linked to hundreds of better bands without
suffering through whatever bullshit Dungeons & Dragons references
the Sword wants to swing in your direction.
If these dudes were opening a poorly attended bar show on a
Wednesday, I’d probably think they were fine. But that their wholly
unoriginal sound and their boring, unimpressive playing has won the
ears of hundreds of thousands is just sad. There is one bright spot,
though: Their big break is opening for the pathetic shells of
Metallica. These old, greedy has-beens threw metal in the well years
ago to make a couple (million) bucks. “The Butterknife” are a worthy
heir to their busted throne. 
I’m in a funk band, and would open for Metallica. Does that say anything bad about us(and them?).
Ride that lightning, as it were.
I can pick a mean nose? can I open for maytalicka?
I fail to see how Metallica can continue to sell, but then people will go to the New Kid’s reunion tour so anything is possible. I gave away all my Metalifail albums when the band sued its fans, and I’ll never listen to them again.
Mustaine and Burton contained the sum total of Metallica’s talent, and as Dave so kindly put it “You never made metal, but metal made you.”
For most bands, I could care about their origins or sincerity. I listen to music for the music, but Metallica managed to cross the line by shaving heads and becoming a great cover band of songs that are good. So few fans realize how many of Metallica’s best songs are covers of older bands music since the Mustaine departure, or that Burton -the ONLY music school member- wrote most of the early powerful music that *IS* Metallica. RIP Burton, the band wasn’t good enough for you.
Fuck Shane, your band must really suck for you to be hatin’ on these guys so much- jealous bastard.
next time the stranger needs someone to review a metal band, I suggest they ask someone who really likes metal.
Clutch Rules My Metal World!
“I gave away all my Metalifail albums when the band sued its fans, and I’ll never listen to them again.”
Well, anyone who does that is a fucking idiot. The music will remain long after the musician reveals himself to be a pampared, out of touch fuckwit. Anyone who does this is not a music fan.
I guess many people who listen to metal like to see it live late or, depending on how one looks at it, early.
that 4am show time has to be a fucking mistake!…
i love how there are people who hate THE SWORD for making metal more accessible. after the 7th grade, “listening to metal” was something to make fun of people for… quite easily. when i heard THE SWORD’s first album a few years ago, it re-opened my eyes to the genre (albeit, i haven’t ventured out much farther than TEEN CTHULU or KARP). folks, we need all the metal lovers out there… to proudly maintain their positions at taco bells and pizza huts everywhere.
The new Skepticism “Alloy” is the best doom CD of the year, in my view. Indeed, it beats the new Esoteric, but that’s not shabby either.
Why waste time with mainstream metal at all? You know it’s all cheese. Metallica just copped to that sooner and made themselves billionaires by not fighting it.
I admittedly take a Special Olympics approach to metal — everyone’s a winner! in my book. But Shane, you made me feel the hot sting of shame for loving me some Sword. Maybe I need some courses in metal snobbery, but I just don’t understand how these guys don’t make you want to karate chop lazer beams into some pink floyd type refraction shit that destroys demons and creates clean water.
Metallica BROUGHT it, Lamb of God OWNED it, and I was too busy drinking whiskey at a bar and missed the Sword. But I’ll give ’em a shot. If you really were into “real” metal, you’d be a regular at Studio Seven anyways.
Good news to the there, and the ” their it goes, the secrets ” in the gab-atcha lines….
On the other hand… follow me and my example, and the ‘whom ever “they” may not ‘question’ may ‘ not be the “they’ll” that will teach you how to love or hate the old ’55.
I’m wrecking, possibly incorrectly, all those years of trouble you may never have wanted passed to you, or revealed.
Scrounge Lizzard: The Seattle Weekly today’s printed release…
It’s nice to see you take the initiative by the balls and fight for what is given to your unreleased cover story.
I usually try to be supportive of balance between the release of “other” styles invented and recreated by the ‘teaming’ masses of the ” hey man….sounds like something your were never able to sell on your own….” market challengers in the new paradigm of no band support for you unless you are very atractive, very young and pliable, inexperienced and negotiable at being unexperienced while maintaing a willingness to fuck and be fucked over on your way to the top of the dead baby heap.
Remember, it’s some times the smell of gossiping that is never intended to be pointed at you, let alone the fear of being cut out of a herd, and the interpretation of context when using expletives in conjunction with good luck messages and bar room brawl talkers that take the babies in the baths and post them with care free forgetfulness into the pooper scooper sidewalkers with holes in the diaper pails…
After all, it’s not like they keep a pound of coke around and a squadron of DEA dogs in the back of the promoters safes anymore so young bands can be seduced into years of destructive hammer and tong castigations while bitterness builds up the unreleated components of the next sales meeting.
Keep your prescription bottle full on the way out of town.
Take a page from the Wille Horton book of forgiveness and switch to TIVO….
Then choose wisely before smoking lots of MARIJUANA if you can’t handle the press releases and late night skittle commercials…
On the other hand, I may have had a candle to blowout on the race to the auqaduct, and your neighbors “axle” may be just the thing you “need” to hang up in your girlfriends restaurant.
They say “ambience” is everything.
Please don’t take it personal if this feels like unwanted criticism… perhaps you haven’t had to experience the chatter of nearly 30 years of legally questionable multi band by-pass filter frequecy neighborhood dialectic satellite seminar block buster bunker bums boiling in the basement before now…
Then again on the again, maybe the editor is in bed with your ex studying all the old lyrics and forgetting the real life tradgedy of dead production assistants and co-pilots and neighbors in the liner notes while some wall street day trader sells your story to the waitress.
In any event, that “originality” issue always comes up in trying to individualize the assesments by fans and critics and the guessing of others as to why this “sounds”(phonetically or stylistically) like the rivals trademark drawl…
Also, hang loose and try not to worry about the voices in the wilderness baiting you in your bathroom as the “oh!” pops into your peters frequency range…
and by all means… remember… there’ no place like home.
i think both shane and jeff are insightful here, and actually agree with both of them. i’m a fan of the sword but am also mystified at why they were “chosen” for success…
the only thing i don’t agree with is calling dungeons & dragons “bullshit”. keep the nerd bashing out of this.
Why buy a Sword album when I can just listen to the Kyuss I already own? Or Black Sabbath, or hell, even Metallica? Why bother? Just because it’s new? You don’t buy skunk weed on the street corner when you already have a stash of bc bud waiting for you at home.