Aaaah! People are saying Rebecca Black is the new Justin Bieber. Please say it ain’t so. I mean, she’s not ranting about libraries or Asians or anything, but damn—this song is the worst, most boneheaded thing I’ve ever heard. Where are the Patti Smiths? Is this what tween girls are really listening to?

“We so excited?”

Kelly O—formerly a Stranger staff photographer, music writer, Drunk of the Week columnist, and more!—finished art school and a soul-crushing internship at a corporate advertising agency in Detroit,...

38 replies on “Lunchtime Quickie: No, Rebecca Black, Noooooo!”

  2. It reminds me of when a female comedian makes a “spoof” song and video, right down to the complete lack of actual content and the endless stream of unitonal, nasaly “singing” without any letup. (Sorry, I love you Sarah Silverman, but if I never hear you do another ‘funny’ Lilith Fair parody song I’ll be okay.)

  3. wow these people spend alot of time driving around in cars for fun….maybe I’ve been looking at my commute all wrong

  6. “Got to have my cereal … which seat should I sit in … fun fun fun fun fun fun. Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards.” The auto-tuned voice. (Or is it?) The meaning of “getting down.” The rap about the school bus, and “time is ticking.” Kelly O, you have made me a very troubled man today.

  7. Oh. my. GOD. That is so fucking HORRIBLE!!! I don’t care that it makes me sound like I’m 98… Kids these days just don’t know what good music is!

  10. If you can sit through more than a minute of that you should have your head examined. I don’t mean for being able to sit through more than a minute of it, I mean for possible brain damage resulting from having sat through more than a minute of it.

    Are there people that actually like this, or is it all just “wow, that is hilariously awful!”?

  13. Aw, you guys are tough on 11 year olds! At least she’s not slutting it up like all of her contemporaries, and at least she’s a girl putting herself out there in a positive way. Given that little girls have zero role models that resemble themselves, the backlash against this girl (not on Slog, but on the internet in general) is predictably sexist, cruel and discouraging.

    And, yes, the song IS god awful, but since when have the majority of tweens responded to Patti Smith—fuck, it’s the rare adult who appreciates Patti Smith! This song is harmless and positive, and in this f-ed up world I’d rather my kid listen to this song, with headphones on, of course, than Miley or Britney.

  15. Nanny-state me wants to outlaw any visual depiction of teens riding without seatbelts, teens in convertibles, teens sitting on the tonneau cover of convertible while distracted teen driver careens down Mulholland Drive or some-fucking-where, etc.

  19. If you want to feel bad about laughing at her, there’s a good post over at death + taxes: http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/62994/re…

    “Where does the Internet at large get over itself and stop bullying someone because it’s easy? Why do you have to collectively shit on a 16-year-old girl? Sure, it’s bad. But so is the McRib. So is Charlie Sheen. So are the Kardashians. So was Antoine Dodson, who made a career out of his sister nearly being raped…”

  20. Within the first day of this on YouTube they disabled the thumbs up/thumbs down counter because the thumbs down outnumbered thumbs up by 20 to 1.

  21. So, at what point does the car flip over and all of the suburban, lame ass, entitled teeny-boppers get decapitated?

    Now THAT would be worth watching.

  25. When Brittney Spears put out “baby one more time” I said “no way is this uninventive pop going get her success. But I’d believe anything.

  27. @20 She’s actually only 13, and I agree with that, do people really have nothing better to do than make fun of an eighth grader?

  29. how come no one has mentioned the old black guy driving by himself rapping along with an 11-year old girls song? where the hell did he come from? Is he trying to kidnap her?

    The vocals are all WAY too enunciated. Everyone involved with this video looks awkward, like they were pressured into it and are trying to silently communicate a distress signal with their eyes or braces.

  30. aww, you guys- so mean! This little girl is cute in an awkward way. I mean, I don’t know how old you sloggers are, but if you’re an adult and this isn’t your niece or somebody for whom you have to pretend to think this song is super cool, you should probably say nothing at all.

  31. @20, 31:
    I think it’s fair game to ridicule the video/song, and not necessarily the singer. Even though the production on the song and music video is super cheap and third-rate (to say the least), it still looks pretty professional. This isn’t some girl singing into her webcam, it’s a production by a team. Of adults. who really should know better.

  33. I love how the ‘agenda page’ in the beginning of the video says ‘music practice’ and then it proceeds to be the most digitally produced auto tuned piece of shit imaginable.

  34. Sorry I’m late to this party, but I have an actual anecdote to report . . . My students, teenagers all, showed me this in order to make fun of it. The thing has gone viral as Worst Video Evah at my school

    So . . . The kids are all right.

  35. We are the last generation. We are doomed. Go forth, brothers and sisters, and salt the earth. Crouch cold and weeping on the bare ground for THE END IS NIGH AND YOU CANNOT ESCAPE.

    HEAR, OH BABYLON, the voice of the herald of judgment.

  38. None of the kids in this video are wearing their seatbelts (is the guy in the front even old enough to have his license?) That’s all I have to say about this unfortunate bit of over-produced disposable teen pop.

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