Life, it’s said, comes at you fast. One day you’re a powerful politician or captain of industry hiding bajillions in offshore accounts, when all of a sudden the Guardian tags that ass in a new photo on IG. Yikes.
Or you’re gleefully dog-piling and supposed-slut-shaming singer Kehlani on social media, then the next day you’re keeping quiet as she recovers from harming herself in the wake of it—even though Chris Brown, official Worst Man Alive, patron saint of abusive dudes everywhere, took to Twitter to bemoan her using social media for sympathy, which you were probably thinking anyway. He’s like Donald Trump for awful hiphop manbabies, building a wall of suspect overcompensation, promising to make toxic masculinity great again. And just one of many—we all know a dozen dudes like that, and may even be one in our off-hours.
Hamburger Helper dropped a competent Soundcloud mixtape called Watch the Stove on April Fools’ Day (which honestly was the least ridiculous day of the year so far). I know a lot of y’all find it to be the perfect metacomment on the “state of rap,” but if you can’t tell the difference between that and Young Thug’s Slime Season 3 (better than 1, not nearly as good as 2, but what is?)—I don’t know what to tell ya, keep on pining for them better days…