After a downright apocalyptic month on Capitol Hill—shootings at a hiphop show, terrorist threats to gay bars—it’s a wonder anyone feels like leaving home. Instead, our hosts are combining both targets: It’s a lesbian hiphop party at a beautiful three-story house its tenants refer to as the “Heartbreak Hotel.” Ladies pour through the front door one after the other to be greeted with raucous cheers and bear hugs. Nobody seems scared of ricin or bullets.

In the living room, Lady Jane DJ is blowing them away; there’s
old-school hiphop mixed with the new stuff, and it’s all seamless, even
when a couple of drunk women decide to try scratching on LJDJ’s
turntables. All the single ladies rush the floor for “All the Single
Ladies,” and from then on out, it’s a sea of drunken, bumping
bodies.

Out front, standing by a fire, there is a band of army boys. They’ve
made a point of taking weekend trips to the Heartbreak Hotel—or,
as they refer to it, the Lesbian House—for the past month and a
half. “These chicks really know how to party,” one says, awed. Someone
else suggests that one of the hostesses is “the dopest Hawaiian in the
motherfucking world.” Nearby, someone is doing a birthday keg
stand. After that, it’s balls to the wall: One after another, the
ladies are lifting their friends to the sky. One woman does a full
minute of upside-down beer consumption. Post-stand, some stagger over
to the bushes to vomit. Then they rush back to hit the keg again.
They’re indomitable, happy, and drunk—and nothing is going to
ruin this party.

Want The Stranger to overhear you taunting someone as a
“Sensitive Sally” for not doing a keg stand at your house party?
Send date, place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.

9 replies on “Party Crasher”

  1. Some friends and I were drunkenly walking home when we decided to walk into this random, crazy house party. It was probably the best party I’ve been too in a long time.

  2. Huh. I guess sucking down beer, vomiting, and then repeating it must be fun for some people. But for the life of me I can’t figure out why. The rest of it sounded great, though!

  4. @woahsrslyfokes – hey, I’ve got plenty of those pics. But then again, I’m not a skeevy straight man, so people are fine about showing their tits to me (and letting me touch them, which is *more the point*)

    And Balt-O-Matt, couldn’t agree more. Yuck, if you barf it, you waste it.

  7. Glad the Stranger came to our party, it was a blast. Watching all the drunkies from behind the bar as I served them drinks. Dancing to loud ass music, and cops. Sorry some must’ve missed out on the tits, cause I seen plenty that night :p. -J

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