Party Crasher

An array of mustachioed young women throw their fists in the air,
spin around, and yell crassly rhymed obscenities in
unison—that is, as close to “in unison” as a living room full
of drunken college kids can be. It is all part of a call-and-response
ritual for the UW Women’s Rugby team at a fundraiser/kegger themed,
appropriately, “Mustaches and Beer.” A girl whose mustache resembles
Gomez Addams’s leads the shenanigans. Everyone following her
lead—and by that, I mean everyone present—seems well-versed
in the antics. At one point in the routine, the group collectively hits
the floor. I, a newcomer, remain standing like a moron; a girl nearby
taps me on the shoulder and instructs me to get down.

The mustaches themselves run the gamut. They range from felt cutouts
to Sharpie drawn-ons, and at least one is made from its wearer’s own
hair clippings. In the midst of the evening’s machismo, two girls
strip down to their sports bras and flex for a small gathering
of dazzled onlookers. As promised in the invite, Beyoncé’s
“Single Ladies” comes on over the speakers. The dance floor, um, living
room, is packed.

Other partyers wait in line for their turn at the keg. As we arrive,
the unthinkable has occurred: The keg cups have run out. A
scramble to get to the store ensues, but before the Safeway voyagers
return, a young woman appears with a couple of
questionably-used-but-rinsed-out-for-our-pleasure plastic receptacles.
They are filled with a careful ratio of approximately half beer and
half foam. Oh, college: Do we miss your frantic, youthful keggers? Not
really. But thanks for letting us visit.

Want to instruct The Stranger to get down at your
house party? Send the date, place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.