Party Crasher

I didn’t get to the benefit fundraiser for the Boys & Girls Club
(disguised as an ’80s-themed party) until it was already a
disheveled mess of makeup and bangles. Girls in bright yellow
spandex who could barely stand were luring boys with wigs and denim
cutoffs into the bathroom, slurring something about Israel and
Palestine along the way. Others, tapped out and stripping off their
white leather heels, found shelter with their furry boyfriends.
Promises of catered delights and booze aplenty were fulfilled, and DJ
Synister kept the dwindling heart rate up with old-school hiphop and
all the dance favorites.

An abrasive dude in a blue Gilligan sailor hat was ready to engage
in a serious conversation on journalism and, in particular, The
Stranger‘s “unbiased gay liberal bias.” He suggested we hire
certified Republicans, or no one will take us seriously. I
seriously didn’t want to miss Madonna and the gay liberals in the other
room, so I left. On the way, I bumped into a real live grown-up who
didn’t get the memo that this was a costume party, choosing instead to
wear his best khakis and blue button-up.

The outside patio was alive with cheap smokes and celebratory cheers
that unemployment benefits had recently increased. We all shared a
collective nod that Reagan may have ruined our economy in the ’80s, but
the joy of people getting all gussied up to dance and drink
themselves silly (while selflessly raising money for our local
community programs) will never die.

Want The Stranger to throw condoms everywhere and declare
that every day is AIDS Awareness Day at your house party? Send
the date, time, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.