As Party Crasher approaches in her
Max-from-Where-the-Wild-Things-Are jumpsuit, a sexy witch
standing on the porch enviously comments, “You must be so warm.”
Inside, a bedazzled Lady Gaga announces to the party, “I love
Halloween. I can dress like a slut, and no one is going to say
anything.” An escaped mental patient counters, “I spent $70 on a [sexy]
Red Riding Hood costume, and I just felt really uncomfortable with how
men looked at me.”
Lady Gaga acquiesces, “If you dress in something clever but not
revealing and walk into a roomful of Playboy Bunnies, no one is
going to talk to you. It’s almost like it’s the only way to get
attention as a female.” A boisterous Captain Steve Zissou interjects,
“It’s empowering to be proud of your body and to knowingly use it,”
before wandering off to kill the shark that ate his best friend.
A 22nd-century college student rolls her eyes and adds, “It’s like
the conundrum of a female comedian: If you try to be funny rather than
sexy, you’re defeminized. Halloween is really just a symptom of the
usual misogynistic cultural trends.”
Dr. Mrs. The Monarch
takes a more moderate approach, “I just like making costumes. If the
character is sexy, I’m sexy. If it’s not, I’m not. I don’t really
care.” The conversation is derailed; a man named Muffin in a giant
inflatable reindeer head enters the kitchen, blindly attempting to
imbibe sustenance through a strategically placed straw. 
Want The Stranger to spend a good portion of your
house party debating a recent essay by Dan Savage? Send the date,
place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.
wait… people use Halloween as an excuse to dress slutty?
point83! taking over one article at a time.
Good article. I’m not used to the party crasher column being so thoughtful, but someone had to say something intellegent about halloween.
24th century Bajoran college student 🙁
@4 I’m sorry! It was what my gin-addled mind could recall!
It’s okay, I love you <3
These people are incorrect in their understanding of the world. That, or they need to expand their circle of friends.
To their point; among other non-sexy costume hook-ups, I’m pretty sure I saw a (male) mummy go home with a (female) robot this year, and recently saw a female comic whom I wouldn’t have noticed on the street nearly give a major boner because her material was fucking amazing.
Maybe these things come with age.