There are two Right Said Freds at Kiah’s America’s Next Top
Model birthday party. They are dancing with each other,
especially when the Right Said Fred song comes on over the speakers. At
least one of them shaved his head specifically for the party, which
shows impressive dedication. A modest crowd of supermodels is mingling
in the Ouch My Eye art space, and occasionally someone will get fierce
and decide to strut their shit down the makeshift runway.
The thing about people who are dressed like supermodels is that you
assume they don’t want to talk to you, even though they might. It’s not
a very fair assumption, but these people are doing a good job
putting their attitude face on, being fierce. I hate “fierce” now.
Christian murdered it on Project Runway.
To my great surprise, I’m introduced to a new drinking implement:
the shot ski. Several shots of Jägermeister are fastened to a
ski, and everyone drinks at the same time by lifting it upward
together. It seems crucial that those involved are around the same
height. After you shot ski, you hit the runway: Those are the
rules. There’s a cash bar, with a portion of the money being
donated to the Vera Project. It’s noble, but no one is getting drunk
enough to start dancing. I talk with a girl who’s embarrassed her
coworkers will find out she was at a Top Model–themed
party. “They will totally make fun of me,” she says. “I work for KCTS
9, you know, PBS.” Her name is withheld for her personal safety.
JEFF KIRBY
Want The Stranger to get “fierce” on the snacks at your
party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.