Significant Bummers

New Order once sang, “Maybe I’ve forgotten the name and the address
of everyone I’ve ever known, it’s nothing I regret.” Well, Bernard
Sumner may have had no regrets circa 1993, but Seattle’s many
musicians, DJs, promoters, and music scenesters have plenty for
2008.

My biggest regret of 2008 was sitting on and cracking my copy of
Jimmy Radcliffe’s “Long After Tonight Is All Over.” And not really a
regret—more of a misstep—was attempting the world’s first
and only Northern soul night at a dyke bar; they said it couldn’t be
done, and they were right! GENE BALK, EMERALD CITY SOUL CLUB

Mad Rad regrets canceling that show with Truckasauras and Head Like
a Kite because of being on tour. Mad Rad regrets not drinking enough
champagne with Champagne Champagne. Mad Rad regrets destroying our
robot costumes at our CD-release party. Mad Rad regrets Darwin getting
drunk at our CD-release party and then running up and down on cars
until he got arrested and put in holding for three days. MAD RAD

I regret sounding like such a total stuttering nerd to Tom Araya
from Slayer when we met him at the Grammys. DAVE HERNANDEZ, THE
SHINS

I regret that after seeing Kevin Costner’s The Postman in
1997, I didn’t immediately quit the band to dedicate all of my time to
finishing my own postapocalyptic screenplay. I regret not having my
camera when I was watching Mortiis
—dreadlocked goblin and
master of the dark arts—eat chicken fingers with ranch dressing
out of a plastic basket. NATE MANNY, THE MURDER CITY DEVILS

My Bloody Valentine: I missed all their shows in the U.S. Fuck!
Spiritualized: They played here in Seattle, and I was dead broke. Nick
Cave played Seattle while I was touring. Seefeel: They played their
reunion show at a fest in Ukraine, and I was playing in Krakow the same
night, otherwise I would have gone! Ben Frost’s set at Unsound
Festival: I was sound-checking at another venue the same night; I heard
the man spooked out the priest at the church he played—would have
LOVED to see that! Tiny Vipers’ shows: I missed all of them this
year—I love her music. Akira Rabelais’ set at dB Festival: I was
playing at the same time—almost everybody said his set was one of
the highlights of the fest. Not being in Seattle (or the U.S. for that
matter) to celebrate Obama’s victory. Missing a train in Berlin and
having to cancel a date in the Netherlands as a result. THE SIGHT
BELOW

We regret not spending more time in France and Berlin—the
apartments were open for us to stay, we could have been there for
months; now it’s cold and there’s no time. We regret not getting more
remixes, edits, and various works in progress out there in 2008. We
regret that someone hasn’t successfully sued the RIAA yet; we belong to
all sorts of these organizations, and they don’t seem to do anyone but
the majors and platinum artists any good. We regret not having video of
the left-hand-only gig Andy played on drums when his right elbow was
broken and in a sling—very Rick Allen moment. JOSH WARREN AND
ANDY SELLS, FCS, MASS.MVMNT

Das Llamas had a not-so-talked-about sludge-metal alter ego called
Dios Lamia—I regret not getting any of it recorded before Das
Llamas broke up (maybe one day…). I also regret beer-bonging
Disaronno in Sacramento while on tour. KERRY ZETTEL, SEE ME RIVER

I regret being a suspect in the case of our van being left unlocked
resulting in our stuff getting stolen in Italy. I regret only making it
out to Giggles once this year. I regret not being able to move out of
Seattle for the 11 crummy months of the year. I regret not going to hot
yoga as much as Gary [from] Partman Parthorse. I regret when people I
really like ride the white witch and give me the creeps. LARS FINBERG,
THE INTELLIGENCE

My biggest regret of 2008 was attending the Winter Music Conference
in Miami. It was my first time going to the conference and Miami, both
of which were a complete waste of time, money, and brain cells. SEAN
HORTON, NORDIC SOUL, DECIBEL FESTIVAL

I regret the labels that approached us in 2008 didn’t offer better
deals—wine and dine us before ya stick it in, y’all! I regret
buying cigarettes and alcohol for New Faces while on tour, because
those kids do not need my help to party, trust me. I regret being nice
to awful bands full of elitist assholes. I regret that some certain
unnamed members of the band wore flip-flops for a show. Ick! I regret
that 2008 was the year of the pretty “choir boy” voice in music. My
voice is anything but pretty or boyish, but I’m okay being the next
Neil Diamond. I regret not being able to seduce the other male band
members in Man Plus. Though we are all happily coupled, every member of
my band is unbelievably sexy and hung like a horse. I regret paying for
a hotel room with my boyfriend while on tour and not having
sex—what the fuck was the point?!?! I regret not going to more
shows, but now that grad school is over, I promise to get out more! I
regret not working with the wonderful people in Man Plus sooner. Had we
all started making music earlier, we would be ruling the world by now,
but I guess I’ll have to settle for owning 2009 with our upcoming
record. Let the buzz begin. JARED MILLS, MAN PLUS

We regret the Pleasureboaters breaking up, the parking lot where the
Cha Cha used to be, and playing shows in Reno (very regrettable). FERAL
CHILDREN

I regret disparaging intelligent design, because Sarah Palin could
not possibly be accidental. That human is proof that God is real and
trying to commit suicide. I also regret not discovering the wonders of
Spokane much sooner. Long story, short attention span. BARFLY, THE
SATURDAY KNIGHTS

I regret not playing very many all-ages shows in Book of Black Earth
in 2008. The few we played kicked so much ass, we will be doing only
them from now on. TJ COWGILL, BOOK OF BLACK EARTH

I regret the number of shows I have played with my zipper undone
over the past year, and also that I usually wear my guitar high enough
to advertise that fact. KIMBERLY MORRISON (AKA THE DUTCHESS), THE
DUTCHESS AND THE DUKE

I regret the time Stefan and I ate a mango soaked in acid and Stefan
drove the van off to Burger King and I tried to stop him by hanging on
to the back of the van, crying and yelling at him to stop, telling him
cheeseburgers weren’t worth my pain, and then I fell off, breaking my
ankle and smashing my face. BRENDHAN BOWERS, THE PHARMACY

The Coconut Coolouts regret that guitarist Harry Steams did not cash
a huge check written out to the band. Harry Steams from the Coconut
Coolouts really, really regrets not spending that money on video games
and Snoop Dogg porn videos. THE COCONUT COOLOUTS

I regret when I was taken to jail at SXSW (for doing nothing). I
also regret crying in jail—that was totally planned, and I
thought they might let me out ’cause they felt sorry for me. I also
regret missing my flight home because of this. I regret getting into a
fight with Mike de Leon. I regret my friend getting bit by a lesbian at
the Justice show at Neumos. MICHAEL YUASA, CLUB POP

I regret that I didn’t eat at the taco trucks more. STEVEN SEVERIN,
NEUMOS

My biggest regret is that I didn’t get to see Van Halen with David
Lee Roth on this last tour. It sold out in less than eight minutes.
Luckily, I’d seen them before back in the day… but still. KIM
WARNICK, THE FASTBACKS

I regret, in no particular order: missing all of SIFF this year,
missing the first Clubhouse After Hours, not getting tickets in advance
to M83/School of Seven Bells, not focusing enough on learning the
guitar, sitting through all of Synecdoche, New York, watching a
full episode of House, wasting a considerable amount of time
procrastinating, drinking that last Scotch and soda of the night, the
many cigarettes that I have bummed from people who have grown to hate
me, putting up with something for too long that was destined to not
work out. JEFF MCILWAIN, LUSINE

Same-Sex Dictator regrets that very few
regret-worthy things
happened to us in 2008. We especially regret this because we expect
2009 to be rife with regrets and big (HUGE) financial losses. SAME-SEX
DICTATOR

NO REGRETS!!! LUCAS TILLMAN, BOW + ARROW

A Regrets Villanelle

The consummation e’er will chase the kiss

Fond destiny to in her pallet stay

For him that falls in love with Nemesis

Ecstatic, drunk, his hand upon her wrist

The score engraved, his life’s blood grand display

The consummation e’er will chase the kiss

Her mouth cooks coal fingers to diamond fists

His crown will yield to no night’s cloaked affray

For him that falls in love with Nemesis

The chalice touched with each emblazoned tryst

Gilt-edge to lips stained heavy blackish gray

The consummation e’er will chase the kiss

The days of future memory unsubsist

The faces of his children shed away

For him that falls in love with Nemesis

Yet “sicker than your average” he’ll persist

To reign in hell or in death-bunker lay

The consummation e’er will chase the kiss

For him that falls in love with Nemesis

SAM MICKENS, THE DEAD SCIENCE

I sincerely regret eating that bad mayonnaise. MICHAEL OHLENROTH,
WALL OF SOUND RECORDS

We regret not getting to meet Brooke and Monti from Movin’ 92.5. We
regret drinking Thee Emergency’s Bumbershoot beer. We regret not buying
Chris Travis 10 more birthday drinks. We only sort of regret playing in
a bar that was open until 4:00 a.m. in Little Rock, but we totally
regret having to leave that bar at 5:00 a.m., sleep at a rest stop for
an hour, and drive seven hours to Granite City for the next day’s show.
We regret having to talk to some weirdo archaeologist in Arcata about
how unrealistic he thought the new Indiana Jones movie was. We regret
thinking that 5-Hour Energy would help us play better on the radio in
California. Most of all, we regret having our van stolen this year,
only to have it recovered long enough to use it for a few weeks before
it was totaled in an accident on the rain-soaked streets of Seattle. We
were just shy of 200,000 miles. SPEAKER SPEAKER

I regret waking up next to my toilet on the first day of this year.
I regret shaking a road sign in Middle America and ending up in the
drunk tank for 10 “fun” hours. I regret urinating in my own mouth for
money and then having to answer to Jeff Leonard, as he IS the original
creator of this “fun” trick. I regret finding money and blowing it on
“fun” instead of using it for food. I regret not having enough fun but
somehow having too much. I regret coming home at night smelling like
pizza (not fun). I regret that afternoon in June, when I snipped off
the ends of my mustache that I had grown for seven months. I’ll miss
you, my “fun” friend. ZACHE DAVIS, ROUGH KIDS, EX-GIRLS, EX-CUTE
LEPERS

I regret I still haven’t deleted my Friendster account. I regret I’m
still terrible at remembering names. I regret the amount of money I
spent on vinyl this year. I regret that the only time I saw the sun
rise this year, I was stuck in traffic. I regret the unhealthy ratio of
days I never left the house to those I did. I regret I will not be
answering any more questions that start with “why.” I regret I wasted
two hours of my life watching Be Kind Rewind. I regret I
mysteriously lost three hubcaps this year (in Chapel Hill, Portland,
and ???). I regret my lack of pho consumption this year. I
regret I will not be listening to any MP3s encoded at less than 320
kbps any more. I regret I’ve been drinking four cups of coffee a day. I
regret I still haven’t joined Twitter. I regret not owning any Tom
Petty and the Heartbreakers on vinyl. I regret that’s all I’ve got.
ERIC ELBOGEN, SAY HI

I regret breaking down in Vegas on our tour. I regret letting Omar
give driving advice. I regret not taking our singer’s perfectly working
van. I don’t regret the first two days we had in Vegas. I do regret the
following three days in Vegas when we all ran out of money at the
blackjack tables. I regret sleeping in Henderson, Nevada, two nights in
a row in a casino that looked and smelled like bigfoot’s dick. I do
NOT, however, regret going on the road playing rock and muthafuckin’
roll. JOHNNY BLACKOUT, SUNDAY NIGHT BLACKOUT

I regret that the sound guy at our recent show at the Comet was
unable to solve the problems with feedback from the vocal microphones.
I also regret that the audience at said show was a bunch of studio
gangstas who wouldn’t know a quality jam if it tore up their Crystal
Castles tickets. I regret not being able to tear more shoes off of
crowd surfers during the Superchunk set at Bumbershoot (just be glad I
couldn’t reach your wallet). I regret that the fall and winter are such
lousy times to release albums, otherwise ours would already be out. I
regret turning down so many shows on weeknights headlining over bands
I’ve never heard of, but I would regret it even more if I killed
someone on a forklift at 6:00 a.m. after two hours of sleep. I regret
shaving my beard off for a week—that was dumb. Finally, I regret
the fact that the Bismarck aren’t millionaires yet—pull the
cotton out of your ears, people! JAMES FRASER BURNS, POLICE TEETH

We regret not playing more house parties. We also regret not getting
hip to Baller Blockin until only a few months ago—that
shit’s been around since when? 2000? Eight wasted years. We really
regret playing in Great Falls, Montana. Our biggest regret, however, is
that time we were accused of lying to a club booker and saying we did a
split 7-inch with whatever band it was we wanted to play
with—that’s a brilliant fucking idea, and we were mortified that
we hadn’t come up with the scam ourselves. CHK MINUS

I regret not going to nearly enough live shows. I regret not keeping
in touch with my family as much as I should—they are amazing and
out of state. I regret drinking a bit too much wine (and whiskey). I
regret not telling Mark Mercer what I thought of the H Is for Hellgate
album before I lost my chance. I regret not shamelessly plugging my
bands, We Wrote the Book on Connectors and H Is for Hellgate, nearly
enough. I regret not hearing Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band until a couple
months ago—amazing. I regret not writing enough music and not
making enough art in general—this is something I will strive to
spend most of my time on in 2009. I regret not saying “Hooray!” more
often—it always makes me feel better. I regret not eating more
broccoli—yummy and healthy! To keep things positive, here are
things I don’t regret at all: getting married to the lovely Emily Rose,
getting to play music in two amazing bands and releasing great albums
with both of them, being part of an amazing music community in a great
city, friends, family, and, last but not least, the election of Barack
Obama, which helps remind me that maybe we’re not all screwed after
all. Hooray! BEN “HOORAY!” BAIER, WE WROTE THE BOOK ON CONNECTORS, H IS
FOR HELLGATE

We have no regrets… we were perfect in 2008. GARY SMITH, PARTMAN
PARTHORSE