Eat yr idols.

Fact: Thanksgiving is the least sexy holiday there is. Everything about the day is a boner-killer/vagina-dryer: Pilgrims, turkeys, overeating, your family. However, rock ‘n’ roll is literally synonymous with fucking, and if we must address the subject of Thanksgiving, the least we can do is view its themes of gratitude and gorging through the lens of rock songcraft. KEEP READING >>

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...