Sound Check

It’s nearly high noon. Two gunmen have taken their quarrel to the street for a showdown. They’re squared off with pistols, and are waiting for the clock to strike 12 as a hush washes over the town. A slow wind makes the hanging saloon sign creak, and a rattlesnake chatters its tail somewhere in the heat because its split tongue tastes danger. Cue the tumbleweed.

When the clock dings the 12th chime, swinging doors across the street burst open, and before the two gunslingers can get off shots, Sheriff Bles appears and busts out a series of gangly, upright dance moves that are so blindingly on fire, it diverts the shooters’ attention. Vinyl records fly from Bles’s hands like boomerangs at the gunmen’s pistols, and in an instant both men are disarmed. Cue the hawk-screeching sound. Nobody faces off in Sheriff Bles’s town unless it’s on the dance floor. Don’t Talk to the Cops, listen to the law. And that law is Bles’s breakbeats, the most move-inducing beats this side of the Mississippi. Cue more tumbleweed.

Don’t Talk to the Cops are Mash Hall’s Bles (djblesOne) and Emecks, making punk-minded, irresistible breakbeat gold. Bles and Emecks are a he/she singing-dancing team combo. At 6’5″, Bles is an improbably lanky, rangy whirlwind of break moves and footwork. Emecks is more compact, overloaded with sass power and b-girl boldness. Together they rap, strut, and put on a hook-stuffed synth and beat revue. It’s soul with attitude.

At the core of Don’t Talk to the Cops’s album, Regular Show, is Bles’s production and his malt-liquored ability to sing and enact Curtis Mayfield’s falsetto tones, while Emecks steps in as fly girl counterpart. Bles has been a dedicated lifelong b-boy, known throughout the international b-boy community for his remixes and mixtapes. He’s toured the world with Massive Monkees and currently works with the elite b-boy supergroup known as Them Team.

I contacted the Seattle Police Department and asked if I could talk to a cop about Don’t Talk to the Cops. A police officer agreed to speak during his lunch break on the condition of anonymity. He was large, seasoned, and seemed to have little patience. It was his lunch break, after all. One would classify him as hardened. He’d been on the force for many years, and had previously been in the military, where he saw active duty. We met, and he agreed to let me sit in the back of his squad car while we listened to the songs. He ate a turkey sandwich and I played him DTttC’s “Girls Buy Me Drinks,” “Cold Nuts,” and “Big Ass Head.”

What do you think about a band that calls itself Don’t Talk to the Cops?

I’d say they don’t want to talk to me. That’s why they sent you. It’s okay. Some people don’t want to acknowledge they need my protection.

“Girls Buy Me Drinks” is playing. Bles sings in surly confidence, “Ladies love me, girls adore me, I mean even the ones that never saw me.”

Do you like the music?

I do. I’d dance to this. Sounds like the guy thinks girls like him.

The girls love him. He’s like seven feet tall. You should see him dance. He’s Nordic.

My kids would like this music. Too bad they have such a dumb name. I’m a Red Hot Chili Peppers fan.

You don’t think Red Hot Chili Peppers is a dumb name?

Guess I never thought about it. I like that music. I like Flea.

I don’t think Flea likes the police.

Are you really in the position to get on my bad side sitting back there? [Laughs] How’d you like to go downtown and spend a night in a cell thinking about who likes and doesn’t like cops? [Laughs harder]

What about the freedom of speech?

Somehow I knew you were going to say that. As a police officer, I do my best to protect you, and the people singing this song. It’s not an easy job. I put my life on the line to make people safe. Some people don’t appreciate it.

I appreciate it. I think sometimes you all are a little harsh. I understand it’s an incredibly difficult job. I wish instead of guns, people would shoot Twinkies at each other.

Me too. Twinkies, I like that.

Can I get you to cuff me?

“Cold Nuts” begins. A song about Bles’s cold nuts on a cold day.

I like this song. Sounds like Curtis Mayfield’s “Superfly.” I’m not going to cuff you.

I’m not sure Curtis Mayfield liked the police, either. When you are finished with your sandwich, can I drive your car around the block?

You know I can’t do that. I’m sure it would make your article great, though.

How about I cuff you? That would make this article great.

He laughs, says nothing, continues to eat, and we listen to “Big Ass Head” in silence. It’s about a girl with a big-ass head. There are whip sounds. Bles sings, “It’s like she’s got a planet on her neck, with a moon orbiting around it. She got a big-ass head.”

I don’t understand this one. Sounds like he’s making fun of someone with a large head. Is that funny? I like the whip, though.

Next I interviewed Bles, who had no problem cuffing me.

Why did you call this group Don’t Talk to the Cops?

Bles: Know your rights as a human being.

Are you really a descendant of Erik the Red? How does it make you feel?

Nooooooo, it’s Derrick the Bread; that’s why I bake my own bread. I definitely feel the Viking blood in my veins. I go hard at everything I do.

How do Don’t Talk to the Cops songs come together?

Here’s an example, I’ll say something, then Emecks says something that sounds like it, and we go back and forth like a game of telephone. Then we’ll both start singing, finishing each other’s lines, then I’ll hum some music while she sings. Then we’ll turn on the mic and make up something else.

Can you give a brief history of yourself and the things that came into play in order to make this record happen?

Emecks and I are both underground dancers, I’ve been b-boying since I was 6, and I DJ b-boy battles around the world. Emecks is a choreographer, and we’ve both competed and performed with dancing our whole lives. I made a lot of mixtapes and remixes for b-boys, and she produced mixes for dance shows. We came together to make and arrange music for the subculture of dancing, the way we would want to dance to it. All the songs started with inside jokes. The first song we made was “Cold Nuts.” We made it on a day it snowed, ’cause I had cold nuts.