Let’s take just a moment to mourn the death of “Chinese Democracy”
as a phrase. For those of us not sold on the brilliance of Guns N’
Roses, those two words have long served asshorthand for a kind of
averted disaster, like “Y2K” or “2006 transatlantic aircraft plot.” For
the last decade, Chinese Democracy (the album) existed only as a
concept; a joke about its own unlikelihood; a statement about writer’s
block, perfectionism, obsession, and reclusion. The reclusion part was
nice. It was nice not hearing from vocalist and franchise-owner Axl
Rose for a while. Even when the reconstituted band started playing out
in 2001 (to 190,000 people in Rio), Chinese Democracy the album
remained a theory, something transpiring only deep in the recesses of
Rose’s mansions and studios, never to be seen or heard. It’s been 17
sweet years since an original studio album from GN’R, and 15 years
since an album, period. Until this month, it seemed possible that this
happy era could continue indefinitely.
It’s odd that an album with such a mighty long buildup would itself
begin with a mighty long buildup. “Chinese Democracy” (the song)
meanders for a lazy minute of soupy ambience. When the hot guitar salvo
finally kicks in, it indeed sounds huge and expensive. The album has
the insane depth of focus that comes from unlimited resources and
personnel; every amp crackle and guitar chug has been tweaked and
teased through software a thousand times. Buckethead’s savant guitar
shredding is in here, but so is everything else—piano, choirs,
orchestras, angels. Including arrangers and editors, some tracks list
the band as a 13-piece. At times, the record sounds like Geffen interns
standing in front of a gold-plated Neumann microphone shaking trash
bags full of $100 bills.
It is not, however, a particularly catchy album. Twenty years ago,
even this most jaded of GN’R listeners could appreciate the Madison
Avenue clarity of “Welcome to the Jungle.” On Chinese Democracy,
only 3 out of 14 songs—the bouncy “Better,” the sweeping and
flouncy “If the World,” the messianic chorus of “Riad N’ the
Bedouins”—contain hummable melodies, and each must be sought out,
like Easter eggs. The brash and bold title track half-assedly recycles
its verse into a chorus. “There Was a Time” has some lovely strings,
but no real melody. A lot of musical styles have come and gone in the
15-year gap between GN’R the band and GN’R the brand, and almost all of
these styles are referenced somewhere in this final, confused
synthesis.
Of course, most people won’t buy this record to hear how much money
it cost. The main show has always been the voice. Every old vocal trick
gets its day in court on this album—the screech, the howl, the
Katharine Hepburn warble, the slight maudlin downturn of “Knockin’ on
Heaven’s Door.” In “Street of Dreams” and “Sorry,” his voice sometimes
drops to a campy vampiric burble, possibly to convey how much he
deserves the sympathy and respect of us mortals. There’s enough
self-pity here that he doesn’t seem to need our help, although this
listener certainly pities any miserable wretch who would actually write
a song about kicking an ex-girlfriend’s ass (Stephanie Seymour? Miss
Russia? Future Miss Punching Bag?).
Martin Luther King Jr. pops up 12 tracks in. It’s an absurd sample
that seems more a blurt of megalomania than a political statement. It
also highlights an old double standard. Mel Gibson and Michael Richards
wrecked their careers with episodes of spontaneous racism; Rose’s
premeditated bigotry (on 1988’s “One in a Million,” with its stern
tongue-lashing of “niggers,” “faggots,” and “immigrants,” presumably
legal and illegal) has been excused as a youthful lark. It’s sad that
the most dissected artist in popular culture still gets a free pass on
this. Over the years, Rose has tried to clarify his position with
comedic obliviousness, too stupid to understand that you can admire
Shaq and NWA and still be a flaming Archie Bunker asswipe.
Let’s not pretend otherwise: This 20-year-old controversy informs
every second of the current album. Rose got away with something huge in
1988, and he has strutted with bloated impunity ever since. He’s a
bully, a braggart, and an unrepentant bigot, a serial meganarcissist
who has somehow tricked the world into indulging his every whim. Rose
does deserve credit for pulling off the impressive feat of marketing
Hollywood debauchery to the most inbred recesses of red-state America.
Others have done it before, but none so recently or on such a vast
scale. Chinese Democracy is this civilization’s version of the
pharaohs’ lavish tombs—a vulgar, glittery edifice built to
immortalize one man’s ego. If only it actually were a tomb, it might
have been worth the wait. 
Boy, oh, boy.
You are a bitter douchebag.
Go be happy.
Although, I’ve heard some of the songs aired on Sirius/XM and was completely unimpressed. After 15 years, one would expect at least a couple of really good songs, given the millions at his disposal. The fact that the album is lackluster and egocentric, kissing up to Pro-America redneck sentiments, and all but completely lacking in any toe-tapping enjoyment seems, in my mind, to prove out the rather aggressive sentiments of Sam’s.
http://www.avclub.com/content/feature/ch…
How do you have a job ‘reviewing music’? You should focus on ‘reviewing’ the music not interjecting meaningless personal opinions with no factual base.
Why? Why review it. It’s finally over. Never to be spoken of again. Let it go.
Ugh, the guy that wrote this probably loves the new Animal Collective and thinks Thom Yorke is a fascinating character. Hey Sam, do as Axl, go the fuck away for a long, long time. Wahhhhh, he said something I didn’t like 20 plus years ago!
I couldn’t agree more with every word of this review. Dead-on accurate. Not just racist, redneck, red-state self-pity … it’s mediocre. I guess we should be thankful it wasn’t an awesomely melodic album championing racist, redneck self-pity. That woulda sucked worse.
ha ha, sam pissed off the gn’r fans!
sam 1
gn’r fans 0
keep up the good work sam!
your ‘kicking his girlfriends ass’ comment is so wrong it comletely destroyed your whole argument,
that song is about slash not stephanie you idiot.
TWAT and this i love is about stephanie
jesus
What is all this red state bullshit? You’re all aware that Axl wrote the best anti-war song of the past 20 years.
Those who cannot do, critique. Nearly all the reviews on The Stranger seem to exemplify this idea.
Douche bag review. Why does everything have to turn into an attack on red state America? What the fuck does that have to do with anything? How fucking old are you man?
The album does suck though, he got that much right.
I don’t have the time to actually write a through review but I’d say- It’s ok (7 of 10) I heard the samples on his myspace page which is all I need, it’s way over produced for the raw attitude of rock, but what do you expect from someone whom drives a Bentley? lol Regardless if you like it or not it, it’s not the real GnR (the influences of it’s origin- Slash, Izzy, Duff etc is what made it GnR), if you have ever liked Axl’s vocals then you’ll like it, whether then or even now- he could never pull it off LIVE- it was like a cat howling in heat, or screethes similar to nails on a chalk board- don’t forget this is a singer which relies on a teleprompter for lyrics in addition to vocal tracks played back thru an ear piece aka karaoke. His mentor was the singer of Blind Melon which coached him in studio on Illusions album which served him well on this effort. He had better have a sound guy of his chosing or he’ll storm off stage to entice another riot. It’s better then most of the emo pop wanna be punk stuff coming out these days. As far as a tour if something of the above mentioned- goes wrong it will be reminiscent to the Ashlee Simpson debacle on SNL. As far as a studio effort? 80’s rock fans will love it!
This review was like a ray of sunshine. It was like music to my ears, I loved it! Couldn’t have said it better myself. Hit ’em again, Sam!
It’s good to know somebody’s standing watch. I hope the new Scott Weiland fiasco is on your radar as well.
I’m sure it won’t be long before people are referring to Axl’s new CD as “Chinese Torture”!
Long live rock ‘n roll!
to Matt: thanks for the kickass review. Sam should read it a few times and learn how to do his job.
Fair enough, this is quite a good article. Although as others state, he’s talking about kicking Slash’s ass, not Stephanie’s. Not that this excuses his misogynistic self-obsession.
All he’s ever talked about is working towards inner peace, and growing as an artist. Well, 14 years later, all his songs are still just him thumbing his nose petulantly at ex-bandmates and ex-girlfriends.
I wonder why she wouldn’t say goodbye? Probably because she was too busy getting out of your house before she ended up with another black eye, Axl. Too hard for you to understand?
If you couldn’t wait for this CD to be released, you just might be a butt rocker.
pure genius. anyone that wants to criticize Sam for not being qualified to talk about rock music should go pick up a Born Against record…
I’m just harshed that I will have to endure axl’s horrible vocal stylings if i want to check out Buckethead’s awesome shredding!:(
20 years later and we’re still counting the countless hidden victims of axl rose’s ego. You like that new animal collective you emo gay indie pinko queer you? The concept of being either in the nu-indie camp or the GNR camp with no room for any other opinions.