Kelly O chose her six favorite Drunk of the Week stars from 2014, and now YOU get to pick the winner. Study these photos, think long and hard about your decision, have several glasses of wine, and then cast your vote at slog.thestranger.com from December 17 to 19. The Drunk with the most votes will grace the cover of our annual Regrets issue (and impress their peers, relatives, and would-be employers).
Mmm-mm! Miller High Life. Still the champagne of beers. Pour it straight down your throat. Or, what the hell, pour most of it all over your face and coat! It’s much cheaper to bathe in than regular champagne. Mmm-mm, Milllll-LAH High Liiiife!!!
Mmm-mmm-mmmm! Fermented Polish potato juice! Straight, no chaser! FEEL THE BURN. I know what you’re thinking: “They coulda staged this by putting regular ol’ water in an empty Monopolowa bottle.” But we didn’t. There were witnesses.
You know, the next time someone passes out, why don’t you try the kinder, gentler version of the Sharpie face—SHAVING-CREAM FACE! It smells nice and comes right off in the shower (or outside, with a garden hose). I also think Santa should get bonus points for cute belly-button lint.
When I saw these two laughing and walking through the Fremont Oktoberfest, I chased after them, shouting, “Hey! Can I take a picture of you for The Stranger?” That’s when Lady-Marshawn turned and side-busted her friend, wearing a Denver Broncos jersey, right in the kisser. Or, as my Aunt Roach would say, “She busted ‘im in the suck!”
There it was. Nestled between the Nestle Crunch bars and the Snickers. Its owner was buying Franzia boxed wine at an Austin, Texas, 7-Eleven at 1:47 a.m. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. It was so beautiful, it hurt.
Panda Man is, frankly, everything that is RIGHT with Drunk of the Week. Come Saturday night, if you wanna put on your best panda hat and, um, pull your cleanest tighty-whities over some neon-green panty hose before HITTING THE DANCE FLOOR with a double rum ‘n’ Coke—then BY GOD, if there even is one, DO IT. There’s enough unhappiness in the world. Panda Man can’t care. He just wants to dance. Can he just have this one dance? 
Voting has closed, but you can still comment on Drunk of the Year right over here!
