West Seattle/Sun Sept 12/4:35 am

Officer Douglas Jorgensen reports: "I was dispatched to an armed robbery of a convenience store located at Admiral Way in the city of Seattle. Upon arrival, I contacted the victim inside of the store. The victim was the only one on duty at the time. He stated that he was behind the counter when three W/Ms wearing ski masks came into the store. Suspect one had a black revolver and pointed it at him... [and] told the clerk to give him the money. The victim opened the till for suspect one and gave him its contents. Suspect one then took the wallet from victim's back pocket, several packs of Swisher Sweets cigars, and some cigarettes. All three suspects then fled out the front door and northbound on 44th Avenue Southwest. All three suspects were wearing ski masks and possibly gloves."

The garment called a "ski mask" is in desperate need of a name change. For reasons that are obvious to everyone in the English-speaking world, the thing should be called a "robbery mask." Whenever you see a man of any color wearing a ski mask, you do not think "skier," you think "armed and dangerous thief."

Aurora/Thurs Sept 9/11:04 pm Officer Richard Bonesteel reports: "While conducting law enforcement in the city of Seattle in a marked patrol vehicle and in full uniform with my partner, Officer Elias, I was dispatched to Aurora Avenue for an armed robbery. Upon arrival, I met with the victim. The victim gave us the following statement: An unknown white male wearing a light-green hooded jacket and blue jeans entered and grabbed two 12-packs of Rainier Beer, and exited the gas station. The clerk left the store and confronted the suspect. The suspect pulled a knife on the victim. The victim backed away and the suspect started to run and dropped the knife. An immediate search of the area led to negative results. I was able to get a video of the incident and a still shot of the suspect. I entered the video, the knife, and a found can of Rainier beer into evidence."

Some people are conducting pleasure in the city of Seattle; others are conducting dreams or fantasies or an ether of information. Officer Bonesteel (what a surname) is proud to be "conducting law enforcement" in the beautiful city by the bay.