[CUT TO: JOE BIDENS INTERNAL MONOLOGUE] Shit, shit, shit, do I believe in abortion or is just good politics to believe in abortion????
[CUT TO: JOE BIDEN'S INTERNAL MONOLOGUE] "Shit, shit, shit, do I believe in abortion or do the people just want me to believe in abortion????" SCOTT OLSON / GETTY IMAGES

Boeing just hired the most well-connected lawyers money can buy: With all the legal liability they're in, Boeing is going to need an army of corporate lawyers. One of the lawyers is fresh off representing Vice President Mike Pence in the Mueller investigation. Another was a key figure in the Russia probe and Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination. And a third previously served as deputy attorney general under George Bush, according to the Seattle Times. So it’s safe to say Boeing is trying to appeal to a very specific set of political actors with their legal team. Maybe if they say enough nice things about Trump, he’ll give the 737 MAX a presidential pardon.

Court says flower shop is still wrong to refuse service for same-sex weddings: The initial ruling by the Washington Supreme Court was handed down in 2017 saying that Arlene's Flowers in Richland was illegally discriminating against same-sex couples, especially one in particular in 2013 that kick-started this whole case. You may ask yourself, "But what about that one homophobic baker dude who wouldn't make wedding cakes for gay people and then won his case in the Supreme Court?" Well, apparently that decision was based on Colorado officials' perceived "religious animus" toward him. This most recent court decision found no such animus existed toward the flower shop owner here in Washington.

The new 99 tunnel will be closed Friday night: So plan your night accordingly. Maintenance crews will be shutting down Seattle's favorite tunnel from 10 p.m. Friday to 8 a.m. Saturday to update the fire control system's software. To do this, they have to disable the fire control system. So they can't have people driving in there with their fire-prone vehicles, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen!

It's National Doughnut Day: So it's mandatory that you eat least one doughnut today. Hell, bring in a whole box for the office. You'll be a hero! You'll finally get the respect you've been looking for from your boss, and your office crush will absolutely pay attention to you. My favorite doughnuts are the ones with coconut flakes and chocolate icing. Fuck, now I have to go get a doughnut.

Biden bends to the will of Democratic voters on abortion: Specifically on the so-called Hyde Amendment that bans federal money from being used for abortions. Biden has long been in favor of Roe v. Wade but has not gone as far as some other Democratic lawmakers on ensuring women have access to the abortion care they need, even voting against bills that would use public funds to provide those services. But after two days intense pressure this week, Biden says he no longer supports the Hyde Amendment. He says his change of opinion was inspired by Republican efforts to end abortion services in states like Georgia. Or maybe he just wants those votes and this polled well.

Russia wants poisoning of former agent in Britain to be water under the bridge: President Vladimir Putin said he hopes the next next British prime minister will let the poisoning of Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia go in order improve the relationship between their nations. This seems like when you get in a fight with someone and they say something truly heinous, and then they hit you with the old "you said stuff, I said stuff, let's just drop it." British prosecutors have charged two Russian intelligence officers with attempted murder, but it's unlikely they'll face any justice.

Russia is making a Chernobyl series of their own: Unsurprisingly, the Kremlin is not pleased with the recent HBO miniseries Chernobyl, which chronicles just how fucked up the nuclear disaster and the Soviet response was. I just watched the first episode last night, and I am hooked. You can probably guess what I'll be doing directly after I finish writing this. Russia's version will reportedly not focus on the nuclear fallout or the citizens harmed by radiation, it will instead play out a conspiracy theory that CIA operatives caused the disaster. While it is entirely possible that CIA agents had infiltrated the reactor, it's highly unlikely they were able to cause an explosion that large undetected.

Cold weather got you down? Fear not, comrades! Warm, sunny weather is on the way, and I'm about to get my first sunburn of the summer.

One million people get a sexually transmitted infection every day: That's insane! Between chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomoniasis, and syphilis, the World Health Organization estimates there are one million new cases every day. In 2016, there were 376 million cases of all four. That's more than the population of the United States. What's your gamble on which disease was contracted the most? You're right, it was chlamydia. Safe sex is good sex!

Japan starts the #KuToo movement to kick high heels: Apparently it is common for Japanese employers to require their female employees to wear high heels in the workplace. I've worn heels for an extended period of time only once in my life, but that was honestly enough. I couldn't imagine wearing them five days a week forever. A Japanese woman is starting an online movement to protest these rules by wearing whatever shoes she wants to work.

Now listen here, you $#!%: I guess the only other act I'm at least the smallest bit excited about at Bumbershoot is Taking Back Sunday. They definitely featured prominently back in my early playlists on the iPod Nano.

The best Seattle entertainment options this weekend include: The Volunter Park Pride Festival, the SIFF Closing Night Gala, and the Brewshed Beer Fest.