I’m really, really disappointed in all of us. We (and all the crazies) didn’t get sucked up into the sky or whatever, and that obviously means that we’re all doing a lot of shit wrong. I want all of you to think about what you’ve done.
Question: what if it actually had been the Rapture and we were all here? Not we, actually, you. I’m golden. Me and JC have an understanding, see? You, though, you’re fucked. It’s like this: think about a really great party that you didn’t get invited to and heard about for months after. That is exactly the way that Kirk Cameron‘s life works.
On to the headlines…
Israel/Palestine: still unsolved. What the crap, Barack? I thought you were supposed to make everything better as soon as you were elected. In seriousness, however, this most recent Israel/Palestine brouhaha has just demonstrated how much we coddle the Israeli right. Bibi is throwing a fit (extra appeal to read that link: it’s quality) because President Obama wants to meet just one of the Palestinians preconditions for even beginning negotiations—an agreement to set borders to 1967 lines. Reasonable or not (and the body of international law says it’s reasonable—check UN Security Council Resolution 242—that’s right, the US voted for it) Israeli PMs (especially Likud ones) don’t make things easy. Ugh.
Afghanistan: even more of a shitshow than its eastern neighbor. Three police officers were killed by police uniform-wearing suicide bombers struck a police station. This attack is the second in two days. Yesterday’s suicide attack on a military hospital killed six medical students. Good thing we can keep track of the money, though—it’s not like employees at Afghanistan’s “national bank” just stole almost $1 billion in reconstruction money or anything. Oh, shit…
The Libya campaign: expanding, with airstrikes on more/more diverse targets. Congress will vote soon on extending the mission, which is subject to approval by both houses after 60 days of hostilities under the War Powers Act—a deadline that expires soon for Libya. The Act was passed in the aftermath of Vietnam (despite a veto) in an attempt to reign in the imperial presidency.
Yemen’s president: maybe stepping down with typical class. Ali Abdullah Saleh, the guy who has “ruled” Yemen for 33 years (“ruled” because of incessant civil war and secessionism, which has been organized by al Qaeda in recent years) pledged to step down within a month. Or maybe he didn’t. Or maybe it was a coup. Or maybe it’s the west’s fault. Or maybe everyone protesting in the streets is al Qaeda. Dick.
Dominique Strauss-Kahn: under house arrest in NYC. He’s paying $200,000 per month for the privilege, so the city can provide surveillance and armed guards. DSK’s interim replacement was named by the IMF. Pundits are in full legal speculation mode, but that’s boring and stupid so you can go find it yourself. In real news, however, a (female) French columnist describes the depressingly male chauvinist/patriarchal norms of French political society. Highly recommended.
Malaysian orphans: in even more tragic shape than you’d normally expect. At least 16 people died after heavy rains caused a hillside to collapse.
The mighty Mississippi: not expected to recede for weeks, so already swamped shelters will stay cozy. The worst seems to have passed, however. Now we can start recriminating people.
The mighty Columbia: near flood stage in Vancouver/Portland because of this year’s late (and ongoing) heavy rains and alpine snowfall. Vancouver doesn’t seem to be in any danger at the moment.
Icelandic volcanoes: not fucking with planes again. Yet.
Minnesota Republicans: putting a gay marriage ban on the ballot. That’s so 2004, people. Didn’t you see that a majority of Americans are feeling the rainbow? And that y’all are the new gay?
The pope: taking a break from covering up pedophilia (too soon?) to bless astronauts who saw the faithful zoom past their window today over the space phone. Why? I don’t know either.
2012 Republicans: still boring. Still pizza. Why the fuck is this news already?
Steak knives: being used by crazies to stab people Downtown. Awesome!
Me and other Sonics fans: still hurting. And yet I still love Kevin Durant so. The Thunder are down 2-1 to the Dallas Mavericks in the Western Conference Finals. (Russel Westbrook had 7 turnovers? How the fuck is he a point guard again?)
Local news: slow, except for dumb editorials like this.
That’s the news for Sunday. This is an awesome song about Sunday.
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Local (and not-so-local) news from your favorite writers.
@51:
>implying I’m being a dick
>implying I’d be offended or something
@Venomlash, you win at SLOG today. Have a gif that might somehow be relevant.
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