MONDAY, MARCH 9 This week of foul fraternization, sputtering Scientologists, and literally shitty legal proceedings kicked off with Bill Cosby, who today issued his first public statement since dozens of women reported being sexually assaulted by the comedy legend over the past four decades. The statement came in the form of a short video released by Cosby, accompanied by the written introduction: “Dear fans, I hope you enjoy my wonderful video message that’s filled with laughter… Hey, hey, hey, I’m far from finished.” Unfortunately, the accompanying video was not wonderful and contained not a shred of laughter, instead consisting of the 77-year-old Cosby in his pajamas sitting next to a rotary-dial telephone, on which he is having an imaginary conversation with someone he’s encouraging to come to his show: “You know I’ll be hilarious,” mumbles Cosby, to the sound of crickets and slowly failing organs. In closing, allow us to share testimony from one of Cosby’s most recent accusers: Jewel Allison, who wrote of her experience in the Washington Post…
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